Cheap Seats

Hello, Mike, this is the AARP calling

Are we really ready for another spate of stories about whether Michael Jordan should or should not retire?

If it’s springtime, it’s the NBA playoffs.

And that means it’s time for the countless rounds of Jordan speculation. The magazine “Details” weighed in with its May issue, saying why Jordan should retire. It basically came down to three reasons.

1. Leaving while he’s on top.

2. A powerful statement of principle in support of coach Phil Jackson.

3. It will be fascinating to see what he does next.

Writer Larry Platt, who is working on a book about the NBA season, finished his argument, saying: “The only thing we know for sure is this: He is going to be the most interesting retired person on the planet.”

Racing with the moon

A naked male streaker jumped out of the left-field stands in a game at Coors Field in Denver and chased Colorado Rockies outfielder Dante Bichette.

Said Bichette: “If he had run me down with 50,000 people watching, I don’t think I could ever show my face again.”

His face, we could take.

He writes words to get money, not spend it

Tom Clancy, author and prospective owner of the Minnesota Vikings, was puzzled to hear the NFL is concerned about the speed of the information flow from his ownership group.

“I’m involved as I can be,” Clancy told the St. Paul Pioneer Press. “I’m going to be writing a great, big check. How much more involved am I supposed to be? Do you want me to put on a purple jersey and run out on the field and get killed? I’m not big enough.”

He could always send out Jack Ryan.

And there’s barely room to run

The annual Bay to Breakers road race in San Francisco is sometimes more notable for what people aren’t wearing.

Depending on the May weather, there is more nudity in the streets that day than at some beaches in France. Clinical psychologist Dr. Judith Schiller explained the behavior of some nude participants.

“There’s an excitement and pleasure that is denied us,” Schiller told the San Francisco Examiner. “Little kids can do it and adults can’t.

“Because people do all kinds of crazy things and dress up in costumes, it’s easy. It’s another kind of costume. It’s permission giving.”

Now, here’s an opportunity

Gender equity may be alive in Mexico after all. The Mexico City government has lifted a ban on female fights, one month after women were stopped from competing on the undercard of a Don King promotion.

The city issued a “judicial interpretation” saying a 52-year-old regulation that has been used to keep women from boxing was in violation of a 1992 constitutional reform proclaiming equality between the sexes.

“We believe that women’s rights should be respected and applied in practice,” said Mauro Gonzalez Luna, undersecretary of judicial matters in Mexico City. “Now women will be able to fight.”

The last word …

“You look at the mess the Rangers have become and have to ask yourself this question: Why would Wayne Gretzky want to waste any more of his time here?”

- New York Daily News columnist Mike Lupica