Cheap Seats

Salary negotiations: Old days

Jay Berwanger, the initial Heisman Trophy winner, never played a down in the NFL. He was the first pick in the 1936 draft, but Philadelphia immediately traded his rights to Chicago Bears owner George Halas.

In a Chicago hotel lobby a few months after the draft, Berwanger and Halas crossed paths. Berwanger reiterated to the legendary Papa Bear he was willing to sign a two-year deal worth $25,000.

“He never looked at me,” recalled Berwanger. “Instead, he turned to my date and said politely, ‘Have a lovely evening.’ And that was the end of it.”

Salary negotiations: The future

In a recent 11-2 loss to Texas, Detroit Tigers pitcher Scott Sanders gave up 16 hits in four innings.

“You wouldn’t think it would be possible,” said Sanders, who became the fourth pitcher in 11 years to allow that many hits, joining Tim Wakefield, Greg Swindell and Bob Forsch. “I would have bet every last penny I have that I wouldn’t have given up 16 hits in four innings.”

Don’t be foolish Scott. You get paid millions to pitch like that. Don’t bet it all away.

Fans will love the idea

Mariners manager Lou Piniella chews out with the best of them. Lou has been especially touchy this spring, especially with his bullpen.

“It has gotten so bad here that when I go out to the mound just to talk to a starter, the fans boo because they don’t want me to bring in a reliever,” Piniella said. “I’m thinking of bringing out two signs, one that says ‘Yes’ and one that says ‘No,’ and make a change based on applause.”

Tip to Lou: If you’re thinking about bringing Tony Fossas in, leave the ‘Yes’ sign in the dugout.

Just another 500-pound support-free beam

The 500-pound support beam that fell into the stands recently at Yankee Stadium has inspired comedians. A sampling:

“It was a good thing no one was in the stands when the beam fell,” said Craig Kilborn of “The Daily Show” on Comedy Central. “Somebody might have stolen it.”

And this from Jay Leno: “Big promotion for all you baseball fans. Tomorrow night at Yankee Stadium, Helmet night.”

More Yankee Stadium bricks

Chris White, a stand-up comic, comedy writer and self-appointed patron saint of Internet comedy, weighs in with his Top 5 signs you have a bad seat at Yankee Stadium:

5. Vendors in other sections: “Beer! Hot Dogs!” Vendor in your section: “First aid kits! Life insurance!”

4. During the seventh inning stretch, your upper-deck seats are suddenly right behind the dugout.

3. Kid next to you brought his mitt and the “Jaws Of Life.”

2. You may be in “The House that Ruth Built,” but you’re sitting under a beam installed by a contractor named Gino “Payoff” Sambitelli.

1. In the overhang immediately above you, Rush Limbaugh serves yet another round of hot dogs to Cecil Fielder’s family.

The last word …

“Sparky’s the only guy I know who’s written more books than he has read.”

- Hall of Fame baseball broadcaster Ernie Harwell on Sparky Anderson’s new autobiography, “They Call Me Sparky,” his third book.