Combine Courage, Humility Direct Child’S Behavior In Constructive, Healthy Way

The experience of dealing with an innocent, immature and uncivilized little person who is looking to you to be mature and civilized is not an easy task.

Studies have shown that children desire attention from their parents, even if it is negative attention. And they are very ingenious at getting it.

Our job is to direct their behavior in a constructive and healthy manner. Have fun! Play, explore, read, laugh and hug together.

Then, when they have their individual time, they know what is appropriate and what is not.

You will make mistakes — I do every day. The idea is to limit them and keep them as small as possible so our kids grow up knowing they are loved and capable people.

It is empowering to have knowledge and use it to benefit another, but coercive behavior does nothing but kill the spirit. Our children are resilient and can weather our mistakes to some degree, but if the mistakes of impatience and force are dominant methods used in the name of teaching, then our children don’t fair so well.

The behavior that gets the most attention is the one that will be reinforced and therefore repeated. If you don’t like the results you are getting or if you just have a few areas that are irritating to you, acquire the skills to change. See what gets the most attention and approach the difficulty from another angle. Life is too short to spend your days (even a few of them) struggling to enjoy the very people you have committed to serve and work with.

Parents must approach the responsibility of raising kids with a combination of courage and humility.

We can never be absolutely sure what the final outcome will be, but we instinctively hope we are molding our children to be loving, successful adults. The important thing is to do the best we can with what we have and love our children for who they are and who they can become.

Parenting is not without risks but we can limit our risks by developing skills based on sound principles and good science. In a market flooded

with information you could spend your entire parenting career looking for the right book while your opportunity to have the greatest effect slips past. I found one book I truly believe in.

Dr. Glenn Latham’s “The Power of Positive Parenting” covers many topics applicable to all ages and deals specifically with how to encourage and maintain good behavior. The information given is based on science and our instinctive desire to do right.

For example, if a child persists in repeating a behavior that you have explained is inappropriate, you (not the child) need to rethink your approach and find the consequence that will redirect the behavior.

There are only two bookstores I know of that carry this book: The Journal and Children’s Corner Bookstore.

Though I don’t claim to be an expert, I cannot deny the results I have seen in the lives of my children and myself.

The book speaks for itself. I promised my friends I would buy this book back from them if they did not see a noticeable difference in their own behavior and the behavior of their kids. I haven’t bought a book back from anyone who has applied these principles.

There is nothing about parenting that necessarily equates to misery or drudgery. When done correctly, it is the sweetest experience one can have.

ADVICE Do you have advice for other parents? Have you found something that really works? Tell us about it. Send your column to Families Page, The Spokesman-Review, 999 W. Riverside, Spokane, WA 99201. Fax to 459-5098 or email laurac@ spokesman.com