How Does John Sound?

Here’s what this area really needs.

1. A trendy beverage made from fermented peas and lentils.

2. More parents resisting the urge to be creative when naming babies.

3. More public hand-holding.

The Spokane Empire: “If Ritzville’s Thomas Pulliam has a beef being 60 miles from Spokane and getting a Spokane postmark on his outgoing mail, I have a bigger one,” wrote Anne Long of Grangeville, Idaho.

“I live three times as far away from Spokane (180 miles) and in a different state and I get a Spokane postmark on my outgoing mail.”

The most intense person in the Inland Northwest: Rod Colliton said it’s his brother, Spokane City Council member Jeff Colliton.

“Watch him, think about it,” he wrote.

The nomination was offered as a compliment.

Landfill on wheels: “My husband has the dirtiest car I have ever seen,” wrote a woman who did not want her name printed.

Her Whitman County farm town is so small, we won’t even tell you where she lives.

“The ashtray is FULL to the rim and there are butts on the floor. Every bit of trash he accumulates is on the passenger seat, except for the trash between the bucket seats which is up to the level of the seats … If anyone is missing a kitchen sink, they might find it in there.

“This trash consists of food, old lottery tickets, ATM receipts, wrappers you name it, it’s there.

“He even has a trash bag in the car. It’s full.”

What percentage of local adults would vote in favor of …:

1. Making Spokane a dry county.

2. Revoking women’s right to vote.

3. Doing away with athletic scholarships.

4. Serious jail time for any form of animal abuse.

5. Tax credits for actually knowing what you’re talking about.

One thing we’ve never heard a spectator yell at Spokane’s St. Patrick’s Day Parade: “Show us your torso.”

Seven more people we are declaring to be famous:

1. Dr. Edward Gould.

2. The Rev. Mart Craft.

3. Carolyn Ogden.

4. Linda Miller.

5. Renee Miesen.

6. Guy the bus driver.

7. Pat Killien.

Today’s Slice questions: Who is the Spokane area’s fastest eater? Who is the slowest? , DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: Drawing

MEMO: This sidebar appeared with the story: The Slice appears Tuesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday. Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; fax (509) 459-5098. A new survey shows that more than half of all elevator riders are silently checking out their fellow passengers.