Thanks Go To A Friend Indeed

Dear Ann Landers: I was searching through some old poetry and found a clipping of one of your columns from 20 years ago. You had printed a poem titled “Gossip.” In the column, you said you thought four lines were missing and asked if anyone knew what they were. I’m not a scholar, but in that same bunch of poems, I found what I suspect are more of the lines. Here is the poem:

Gossip - The History of a Lie

First, someone told it,

Then the room could not hold it,

So busy tongues rolled it,

Till they got it outside.

Then the crowd came across it,

They stretched it and tossed it,

And never once lost it,

Till it grew long and wide.

This lie brought forth others,

Evil sisters and brothers,

And fathers and mothers,

A terrible crew.

As headlong they hurried,

The people they flurried,

And troubled and worried,

As lies always do.

So, evil it boded,

This monstrous lie goaded,

Till at last it exploded

In sin and in shame.

But from mud and mire,

The pieces flew higher,

Till they hit the sad liar

And killed his good name.

Your original poem ended before the last eight lines. You have been so helpful to many, it’s a privilege to be of help to you. - Lou-Ann in Long Island

Dear Lou-Ann: Thanks for coming to the rescue. As the old saying goes, “A friend in need is a friend indeed.”

Dear Ann Landers: I have twin daughters, 8 years old, who are in separate classrooms at school and hence have different friends. The girls play with each other and with one another’s friends, so everyone in the two classes knows both girls.

The problem is that when one of my daughters gets invited to a birthday party, the other girl feels left out.

Is it wrong for me to call the parents and ask if it is OK for the left-out twin to attend the party? I don’t want my little girls to have hurt feelings. Please tell me what to do. - Double Dilemma in Calif.

Dear Double: Yes, it is wrong. The “left-out” girl must learn to develop her own friends and not tag along with her sister. And please be aware that it does nothing for the self-esteem of the one who is left out to know that she was included because of pressure from her mother.

Dear Ann Landers: Now that you have announced there will be no more discussion of the musical condom, may I have the very last word by mentioning a similar gadget?

In the autumn issue of The American Scholar Walter L. Arnstein, professor of history at the University of Illinois, wrote about Queen Victoria’s Diamond Jubilee. He said that at the queen’s first jubilee in 1887, among the objects sold were “automatic jubilee bustles that played ‘God Save the Queen’ every time the wearer sat down.”

One of these days, somebody will write a master’s thesis on “Musical Clothing and Accessories.” - R.Y. in Dayton, Ohio

Dear Dayton: If that thesis is ever written, I would like to read it, but rest assured that I will not be the one who writes it. Enough already.