Decision To Leave Was Good One

Dear Ann Landers: I read your advice to “Three’s a Crowd in California,” whose husband, “Claude,” was overly attached to “Thelma,” the older woman who had befriended him in Europe. You said Claude needs to be told that his wife comes first and “Three” should then fix Thelma up with somebody else. That advice sounds good, but let me assure you that it won’t work.

A husband who is bound to a mother figure will not let go. I once tried talking to my husband about the “third person” in our marriage, but whenever I brought up the subject, he would walk away and turn cold as ice.

I entertained my mother-in-law, took her places and saw to it that she met some interesting people. It didn’t work. Nothing made her happier than being with me and my husband. And it was obvious that he didn’t mind. Well, I did. When I was smothered almost to death by my mother-in-law’s ongoing, steady involvement in our lives, I realized the threesome was going to last forever. I decided to get out and make a life for myself.

I went back to college, embarked on a rewarding career and eventually met a man who needed only me. We have been married for 27 years, and I haven’t regretted for one minute leaving my first husband. - L.B. in Minnesota

Dear Minnesota: Bravo for you, girl. I wonder how many women in my reading audience would have the courage to do what you did. My guess is, not many. Instead of cursing the darkness, you lit a candle. Cheers from Chicago!

Dear Ann Landers: Thanks for your answer to “Future Shocked” about punishing children. You are right to say no one knows when hitting ends and beating begins. I had a parent who spanked me and my brother and sisters until we were black and blue. As I look back, those “spankings” were really beatings. We were told this parent loved us, but even as kids, we had a hard time believing it.

When I became a father at 35, I vowed never to hit my child. I never have. I discipline with time-outs and the loss of privileges. It works a lot better than the spankings. All my friends and relatives marvel at how well-behaved and joyful my 4-year-old boy is. They are amazed to see him obey me on merely a verbal command, without any threat of violence.

Love is the greatest method of discipline. More parents should try it. - Mark in Buena Park, Calif.

Dear Mark: Children who are hit learn that violence is an acceptable way to settle differences. You have written a letter that could make a big difference in the lives of a lot of youngsters. Thank you on behalf of all the people you educated today.

Dear Ann Landers: Recently, a co-worker handed me a letter. Is this tacky, or is this now the “in” thing? Here it is:

“Dear Friend: As you know, I will be getting married soon, and I’m sure it will be the happiest day of my life. The expenses involved, however, are overwhelming, and we humbly request your help. We ask that each of you dig into your hearts and graciously assist us with whatever financial contribution you can make. We understand that this may be hard to do, but we hope you will not find it impossible.

“We would greatly appreciate any contribution you could give. (Please enclose your contribution as well as the attached portion below in the enclosed envelope at your earliest convenience.)” How should I respond? - Confused in Texas

Dear Texas: The request is totally inappropriate. Ignore it.