Problem Child Can Be Dealt With
Q. My daughter remarried a man with a 7-year-old troubled daughter. He also has a 4-year-old son, and she has three sons all under 5. The boys are all happy and healthy. The daughter causes problems everywhere.
She does poorly in school, has no friends, no one can stand her. She’s an extremely bossy, in-your-face kid. She wants to live with her mother, who has the same personality. The girl needs counseling. Mealtimes are a nightmare. She refuses to eat, says “I hate this food,” and insists on snacks. The four boys know the rules: Eat dinner, get dessert and snacks later. The dad worries his daughter will go hungry so he often gives in. He knows she’s a problem, but he doesn’t change. Is there a book you recommend?
A. The similarities to her mother’s personality suggest this young girl is struggling with a chemical disorder that disrupts her ability to regulate her behavior.
Tell your daughter to make an appointment with a medical professional who is skilled in treating kids’ behavior problems. Counseling can be helpful, but I recommend working on all fronts at once.
Tell your daughter to send a description of her stepdaughter’s behavior and relevant information about the child’s mother, to the doctor in advance of the appointment.
Read the article titled “A Little Help From Serotonin” in the year end issue of Newsweek magazine. According to Dr. John Mann of Columbia University, the neurotransmitter serotonin provides a restraint mechanism, a kind of behavioral seat belt which keeps our behavior in check.
Medication that boosts the serotonin level could allow your granddaughter to feel calmer and monitor her own behavior more easily.
Dad and stepmother have to set new guidelines and consequences. For example, they should calmly tell her if she chooses not to eat, she can be excused from the table.
Her dad has to stand firm on the rules or recognize he is contributing to his daughter’s problems. When he indulges his worries he does her no favors.
Dad and stepmother should enroll in parenting classes to practice effective discipline methods.
Encourage the family to structure activities that enable his daughter to achieve success and build a positive image. For example, invite her to help you bake cookies or go shopping.
Flood her with opportunities for achievement. She needs to see herself as a capable, law abiding girl. Reward her with praise, treats and hugs.
Two books that may help are “Raising Your Spirited Child” by Mary Kurinka, and “The Challenging Child” by Stanley Greenspan.
Q. I think my husband needs help. He sometimes gets this euphoric mood and thinks he can do anything, like wanting to write a book he thought would help everyone become a millionaire. Recently he bought a new car, then a new stereo system and three leather jackets at once. Sometimes he talks really fast. On the flip side of his high mood, there are times, like now, when he is so depressed he can barely get out of bed. He doesn’t feel like doing things he normally enjoys. He is more cranky than usual, and complains he can’t concentrate and has lost his appetite. He is harsh with the kids. I hate to see him so down. What advice do you have?
A. Your husband’s behavior suggests he could be suffering from bi-polar depression, which is characterized by mood swings from very depressed to a state of frenetic activity. Illogical buying sprees are a symptom of this disorder.
Encourage him to see a psychiatrist skilled in treating depressive disorders.
xxxx
The following fields overflowed: CREDIT = Cathleen Brown The Spokesman-Review