Work Around The House For A 4-Year-Old

“Colonial children were initiated into the adult world early, but not in a hasty or harsh manner. From the age of 3 or so they were given chores, partly for discipline, but also to keep them from underfoot. Much of a child’s day passed with little supervision; parents and older siblings were too busy to mind what they did.”

So writes historian David Freeman Hawke in his charming sketch of “Everyday Life in Early America” (Perennial Library, $13). Except for the word “Colonial,” Hawke could have been describing the formative experience of many a child, myself included, born in the years immediately after World War II.

By age 4, I was doing such things as sweeping and mopping floors, taking out trash and even washing some of my own clothes (in a galvanized tub with hand-cranked wringers bolted to the side).

Most of my playmates performed similar acts of service within their families, as evidenced by the number of times we heard “so-and-so can’t come out to play until he’s finished his chores.” My mother, like a Colonial parent, kept me busy to teach me responsibility and keep me from pestering her.

I thought of Hawke’s book and my childhood experiences the other day while talking with a couple who had asked what chores could be reasonably expected of a 4-year-old. When I listed sweeping, vacuuming and washing floors, they looked at each other as if to say, “The man’s daft!”

“We have trouble getting our 4-year-old son to even pick up his toys,” the mother said with a laugh.

It seems to escape today’s parents that picking up 100 playthings and plaything-parts is far more daunting to a preschooler than washing the kitchen floor. When I was 4, I had five or so toys, and we had one kitchen floor. Besides, neither chore was presented to me as an option. My mother didn’t cajole, bribe, promise, threaten or martyr me into working. She simply said, “I need your help,” and that was that.

Over the centuries, children have proved themselves competent. When they are treated consistent with their abilities, they act accordingly and their abilities strengthen. Today’s parents act as if children are incompetent from the shoulders down, then bemoan their learned incompetence.

Yesterday’s child was, from an early age, useful within his or her family. Today’s child is useless, a consumer of excess along every dimension. Oh, his parents may make sure he can correctly identify all 26 letters of the alphabet by age 3 and is reading by age 4, but those things that strengthen character are sorely absent.

As was true in Colonial times, and is still true, there is no substitute for chores when it comes to learning responsibility (and keeping out from underfoot!). The longer you wait to begin these lessons, the harder it will be to get your child to cooperate in them.

For the typical child, the “critical period” seems to fall between the third and fourth birthdays. And yes, a 4-year-old can do more, lots more, than make a bed, hang up a wet towel and pick up his toys. With proper coaching, he can mop a floor, run a vacuum and even hand-wash certain articles of clothing.

And if you don’t bribe or threaten, but simply encourage, you just might find that your child not only enjoys doing these sorts of things, but asks for more! There is, after all, nothing so intrinsically rewarding as competence.

xxxx

The following fields overflowed: CREDIT = John Rosemond The Charlotte Observer