Resume Joint Counseling
Dear Ann Landers: My husband and I have been married for almost 20 years. We have two children, ages 7 and 11. Over the years, we have had our ups and downs, but we treat one another in a civilized manner and are dedicated parents.
About three years ago, when “George” turned 40, our marriage began to fall apart. I saw the signs but didn’t know what to do about it. I am sure he would have walked out on me if it weren’t for the children. I blamed myself for the problems and suggested counseling. I was very relieved when he agreed to go with me. We went for eight joint sessions, which were somewhat helpful, but then, George didn’t want to continue. I am still seeing the same therapist, but George has switched to a psychologist with whom he talks on the phone. He doesn’t share with me what goes on during his phone sessions.
Here is the real problem, Ann. I don’t think George feels anything for me anymore. I still love him, and we have sex occasionally, but when I ask him about our relationship, he says, “It’s OK.”
I feel so alone. I’m sure George is just sticking around until the kids are older and then he will leave me. We still have good family times together, but I don’t know if I can live another 10 years like this. Should I put up with it for the sake of the children? Should I try to get him to go back with me to the marriage counselor? What’s your advice? - Torn Up in California
Dear California: I recommend resuming joint counseling - and let George pick the counselor. You say you have sex “occasionally.” That’s a good sign. I suggest that you have sex more often, even if you have to initiate it. A little female aggressiveness under the sheets never hurts a marriage. I recommend it.
Dear Ann Landers: Most of your how-we-met stories are really beautiful, even though some of your younger readers think they are corny. I hope you will print mine.
In 1950, I had tuberculosis and was confined at the National Jewish Hospital in Denver, one of the finest respiratory research centers in the world. While there, I met a female patient. I was from New York and Jewish. She was from Texas and Baptist. She thought I was a boisterous Yankee. I thought she had the face of an angel.
In the few months we spent at the hospital, we became good friends but nothing more. When she left Denver, we stayed in touch. Several months later, I won a contest, and the first prize was a diamond ring. I took a chance and mailed it to her. She accepted the ring, which I interpreted as her agreement to marry me. I was right.
In 1952, we went to Denver to get married. The wedding cost all of $16, including the taxi, the justice of the peace and the license. There were no photographs, no parties, no relatives and no gifts, but we didn’t care. All we wanted was each other.
This May, we will be married 46 years. We have four wonderful children, four terrific grandchildren and a beautiful great-grandchild. That $16 was the best investment I ever made. I look at the dividends and smile. - Still in Love in Houston
Dear Houston: Of all the “how we met” letters I have read over the years, yours certainly is one of the most charming. (My “butt-kissing staff” agrees.) Thank you for sending that heartwarmer my way.
Gem of the Day (Credit Gloria Steinem): A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.