See A Urologist Not A Psychiatrist
Dear Ann Landers: Several years ago, for no reason, I suddenly became impotent. It happened overnight, just like that. I was unable to regain my sexual ability despite a round of physical exams and prolonged sessions with a psychiatrist, which were a total waste of time and money. Despite his excellent credentials, the psychiatrist was totally clueless - unable to help me or offer an explanation for my inability to perform.
I had been married for six years when the impotence hit me. For three years, my wife gave me unwavering support. Then, the problem became more than she could deal with. She announced that she was not able to face the prospect of married life without sex and was leaving me. She was 34 at the time. I am now 38. Although I was devastated by her decision, we parted on a friendly basis. She recently remarried, and I wished her well.
My problem is that I have met a very attractive divorcee my own age and we seem compatible in all respects. But as this relationship progresses, I am dreading the time when she will expect some intimacy and some sort of commitment. She has twice dropped hints that I would be welcome to stay over at her place after a late evening. I like this woman a great deal, and it is painful to think that decency is going to compel me to break off the relationship before long. I believe it is unfair to a woman who is still under 40 to be stuck with a man who can’t perform. Do you see a way out of this maze? - Frustrated in Mass.
Dear Mass.: My medical consultants tell me that most male impotence is not emotional. It’s physiological, which means there is some medical problem. Either way, there are options available to help you. Please go to a urologist at once and ask what can be done. You are far too young to resign yourself to a life without sexual intimacy, especially now that you’ve met a woman you really care about. You must do this for the sake of the relationship. Good luck.
Dear Ann Landers: Please tell “Dumbfounded,” whose adult son suddenly decided he wanted nothing more to do with his parents, that they are not alone.
Our 54-year-old son criticizes us over how we pronounce words. We sent him to college for five years and to law school for three. We bought him new cars and nice clothes while we made do with the old ones. His personality is so unpleasant he doesn’t have any friends. He is married to his third wife, who would have divorced him long ago if he didn’t have such a lovely income.
Our son thinks he is perfect and goes around straightening out everyone else. His behavior is the tragedy of our lives and a sorrow we live with. My husband and I feel like abused wives, always walking on eggshells, trying not to do or say anything that might set him off. He is moody, insists on being the center of attention and monopolizes every conversation. Because he is quite good-looking, he makes a good first impression, but the friendships do not last because he is so self-centered. Is there any hope for him? - A Sad Mother in Oklahoma
Dear Mother: There is no hope for your son unless he is willing to face the truth about his egocentricity and moodiness. The man is in need of professional help. I hope he recognizes himself in this letter and does something about his troubled state. Your letter just might turn his life around. Let us hope so because I can assure you that in spite of his bravado and egotistical demeanor, he is insecure, unfulfilled and unhappy. No man with the personality you describe can be very pleased with himself.