Squirrels Aren’T Known For Brains
No, it’s not your imagination.
There really are mornings when half the squirrels in the Spokane area apparently earn some sort of merit badge by racing in front of your car.
* Blowin’ in the wind: Carol Voogd was driving on Francis the other day. She had her window down.
The driver of an SUV in the next lane decided to wash his windshield. But a gust of wind caught the sudsy spray and hurled it all over Voogd.
* Multiple choice: When in doubt…
a.) Always ask yourself, “What would Charles Rowe do?”
b.) Say “Let me get back to you.”
c.) Rent an uncensored version of “Risky Business” and find your answer there.
d.) Hire a consultant.
e.) Punt.
f.) Listen to your lower back.
* Easier than parting the Red Sea: A woman visiting the downtown Spokane library this week noticed a boy who looked to be about 12. He was casting himself in a role Charlton Heston once played.
He quickly stepped in front of the electronic doors and then majestically moved his hands up and out as if commanding them to open.
The doors obeyed.
The boy, who was doing this to amuse a friend, seemed pretty pleased with himself.
But he got sheepish in a hurry when the woman looking on asked if he was playing Moses.
* Three Inland Northwest personality types we admire:
1. People who wouldn’t be embarrassed to literally hug certain trees if it would help them survive.
2. Parents who never try to seem “cool” in an attempt to impress their kids’ friends.
3. Single people who understand the advantages of a small pond.
* Who scares you more: Young motorists who might not have learned that actions have consequences or extremely elderly drivers who seem terribly confused?
* Rejected promotional slogans for downtown Spokane:
1. “We’re Still Here.”
2. “Home of Incoherent Ranting.”
3. “Only Time Marches On.”
4. “Food, Folks ‘n’ Fests.”
5. “Parking Happens.”
6. “Affordable Square Footage.”
7. “Livelier than Albuquerque.”
8. “Hey, Buddy.”
9. “Where Guarded Optimism Reigns.”
10. “Good Downtown.”
* Today’s Slice question: In terms of mowing down a series of competitors situated close by, what small business has been the Rocky Marciano of the Inland Northwest?
Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; fax (509) 459-5098. Did you see that New Yorker cartoon renaming Fridays “Casual Sex Day”?