Farley’S Not Around To Enjoy His Comeback

“Almost Heroes” offers something you just can’t get anymore: Chris Farley.

The former “Saturday Night Live” comic died last year of a drug overdose. “Almost Heroes,” which also stars Matthew Perry of “Friends,” wrapped in 1996. And the sad, Hollywood truth is that Farley’s death may be the best thing that ever happened to the film.

“You know the old line - an artist dies and then his paintings sell for millions,” a veteran marketing executive told The Hollywood Reporter. “This thing never had a chance. Now, it’ll do great.”

Still, Warners denies it’s trying to capitalize on Farley’s misfortune. “With respect” is how Warner’s executive Sandy Reisenbach says is how the studio is promoting the film. “We don’t capitalize on the fact that someone is deceased.”

Loose talk

Actress Anne Heche on her sexual identity (in Out magazine): “I don’t consider myself to be straight. And I don’t consider myself to be a lesbian - though I’m by no means ashamed of it. Yes, I’m gay. I’m in a gay relationship. I just don’t like any terminology.”

Listen to the tale of this old Beaver

Jerry Mathers turns 50 today.

Kids need protection from too much Michael Landon

Melissa Gilbert is suing her ex-husband, Bo Brinkman, for libel and invasion of privacy over a National Enquirer story in which she was called a “deadbeat mother” for ignoring her kids and/or making them watch reruns of “Little House on the Prairie.”

In financial terms, he surely would have cleaned up

Protecting her late husband’s image has brought Robyn Astaire a lot of criticism. The critics particularly griped about her decision to let Dirt Devil vacuum cleaners use a likeness of Fred Astaire. “I wish everyone would lighten up,” she said. “Fred had a great sense of humor. Fred did ‘Battlestar Gallactica’ in a space suit with turned-up-toes shoes. He definitely would have done it.”

When she finally hatched, Prince Chuck pounced

When she lived in the three-bedroom London apartment that her family owned, the late Princess Diana charged her roomies $29.50 a week in rent and posted a sign on her door that said “Chief Chick.” Now the apartment is for sale. Asking price: $783,000.

Britons never, never, never will be sexual slaves

Romance novelist Barbara Cartland says the world needs traditional gentility. “If you read newspapers today, it is sex, sex, sex all the time,” said the 96-year-old writer. “We must get back to England being a great example to the world, and it is the men who will lead us to that.”

Nancy Reagan always wants to do things her way

Why did Nancy Reagan almost miss Frank Sinatra’s funeral? Because, alleges New York Post gossip columnist Cindy Adams, Sinatra’s widow, Barbara Sinatra, didn’t want her there. Reagan got in courtesy of Tina Sinatra, one of the late crooner’s daughters.