It’S Too Hard To Concentrate With A Distraction Like That

Tue., June 2, 1998

By Paul Turner srpaulturner@gmail.com

Emily Vasquez, a 4-year-old Medical Lake girl, woke up the other day not feeling 100 percent.

“I don’t think I can do my homework today,” she told her mom. “I feel like I have a chicken on my head.”

* Ouch: Yes, we heard about the ad for the “osculating” fan.

* Fashion statement: A clerk at Spokane International Airport handed a Seattle-bound woman a receipt for a candy bar. “Do you want a bag?”

“Nope,” she answered with a smile. “I’m going to wear it.”

* Scenes that say it all: Ever noticed the cows grazing in that field next to KHQ-TV’s array of satellite dishes?

* Thumbs up: We heard some raves about Spokane Opera’s presentation of “The Mikado” at The Met.

* Agree or disagree: “It has occurred to me lately that there are no marmots in Riverfront Park anymore.” — Mary Hahn

* Here are just a few of the reasons people have offered in the classifieds recently as explanations for having yard sales: moving to Florida, health forces sale, divorce forces sale, girlfriend moving in, baby on the way, redecorating, downsizing, moving to retirement home and our favorite, “Marriage sale — his stuff must go.”

* Signing off: We heard from readers who said they could live without letters signed by correspondents who include their rank in the military before retiring, their jersey number from high school football or academic degrees utterly unrelated to the contents of the letter.

* The Inland Northwest population segment that’s the most fun to offend: “Bald farmers,” said Gail Kopp. “Especially those who tell dumb-blonde jokes.”

* Preparation for real life: We read somewhere that one of the most valuable lessons learned from playing Little League baseball is that sometimes you have to take orders from someone you think is an idiot.

* “Look, Duhkotah has his eyes closed”: Some high school students like to pose as jaded and perpetually unimpressed. But nobody was employing that act the other day on an afternoon STA bus.

All around us were teenagers who had just gotten their high school yearbooks. And you should have seen them devour those things.

* Today’s Slice question: If your home was turned into a summer camp, what would be its name?

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