Cheap Seats

Could we call it Home Run Derby?

Is baseball played with metal bats really baseball? On the day that USC defeated Arizona State, 21-14, in the College World Series final, Newton North defeated Medford, 20-18, in a Massachusetts high school playoff game.

Obviously, they need a utility man

When Walter O’Malley opened Dodger Stadium in 1962, there were no drinking fountains in the building. Civic outrage, inspired by Sid Ziff, the Los Angeles Mirror sports editor, forced the Dodgers to install fountains.

Now, the new owners, Rupert Murdoch’s Fox Group, may have outdone O’Malley. A few minutes after a recent game, Diane Esper says she found the water turned off - no toilets flushing, no wash basin, nothing to drink.

Irony of ironies: The game in question was Cap Night. The caps all carried the familiar logo of the Department of Water and Power.

Perhaps the DWP should have donated a little water, instead of Dodgers caps.

You won’t catch them letting water go over their dam.

Stamp out those losers

Barry Horn of the Dallas Morning News thinks the U.S. Postal Service should sign up the Los Angeles Lakers for its next ad campaign. As in:

“Neither rain, nor snow, nor sleet, nor Shaq, nor Kobe can stop The Mailman from delivering.”

Now, who’ll stop the Bulls from canceling The Mailman?

Talk about your tall tales

Basketball player Margo Dydek, a 7-foot-2, 223-pound center from Poland who will play for the Utah Starzz, speaks five languages, which means she can say five different ways, “I am the first player to dunk in the WNBA.”

Beaten before they start

Bill Walton had this to say about the prospects of UCLA’s Toby Bailey, J.R. Henderson and Jelani McCoy in the coming NBA draft:

“Toby is an incredible athlete, but he doesn’t have a real game. J.R. is going to have trouble in the NBA playing power forward because that is where the meanest, nastiest, dirtiest guys play. Jelani is an incredible talent, but he hasn’t shown yet he can respond to coaching.”

Just call him Mr. Tact for short.

And speaking of tact

When it was announced that France’s World Cup team would train in Finland instead of the homeland, defender Marcel Desailly explained why it pleased the players.

“We’ll be able to walk the streets in peace. Our friends won’t call us all the time and,” he said, pointedly remarking to the throng of journalists around him, “you won’t be there.”

This is no trivial pursuit

In case anyone asks, the Swaythling Cup and the Corbillon Cup are the rewards for winning world table tennis championships, Swaythling for the men and Corbillon for the women.

The last word …

“In Wrigley Field, I feel like King Kong. Here, I feel like Donkey Kong.”

- St. Louis third baseman Gary Gaetti, after failing to hit the ball out of the infield at Comiskey Park.