Bottom Lines A Satirical Look At Topics In The News

Spokane’s new motto, part one

One of our mottos has always been, “Spokane! A Great Place to Raise Kids!” After reading that prison series in the paper last week, I think our new motto should be, “Spokane! A Great Place to Release Felons!”

Spokane’s new motto, parts two and three

Or how about, “Ex-Cons, You’ll Love It Here!” Or, “Spokane! The Most Offenders Between Seattle and Minneapolis!”

These two pills may mark a new era of harmony

First, Viagra cured men of their most serious “intimacy” problem. Now, the pain killer Celebra will do the same thing for women, assuming it works for headaches.

Leaks? In Washington, D.C.? Surely, this can’t be true

I am appalled, just appalled, at the idea that Kenneth Starr might be leaking grand jury information. He should be delegating that job to staffers.

Would you like that cigarette regular or decaf?

The American Medical Association wants to remove the nicotine from tobacco. Meanwhile, the Republicans settled for removing the backbone from the tobacco bill.