Bottom Lines A Satirical Look At Topics In The News

Darwin may have been wrong when it came to these parts

Some Post Falls parents want schools to teach creationism. I say, what better place? Little or no evolution appears to have occurred around here.

Go ahead, Mr. Beef Industry Attorney, try suing us now

Oprah won that “mad cow” trial in Amarillo, which is a huge relief for those of us interested in freedom of speech. Now, we can finally say this without fear of retribution: Don’t you just hate Sloppy Joes? The way they drip all over your fingers and your shirt?

Not that the little blankety-blanks don’t deserve it

The biggest issue in Spokane today is: road rage. People keep storming out of their cars, pulling out guns and firing them repeatedly at potholes.

It was another glorious nonpartisan failure

The campaign finance reform bill proved that Republicans and Democrats who truly believe in democracy can put aside their partisan differences and band together for reform. Of course, they still don’t constitute a majority.

Did anybody think to look under the “A-B” sign?

You know that little Bloomsday runner sculpture that somebody stole? Why didn’t anyone think to check the Pick-Up Area at Riverfront Park?

, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: 3 Photos

MEMO: Bottom Lines is Jim Kershner’s look at issues in the news. The views are the writer’s.