Let School Matters Run Their Course
Q. I work daily with my very active 4-year-old, trying to get him started in reading, but he doesn’t show any real interest. Furthermore, his attention span doesn’t hold out for longer than 15 minutes. Next year, I’ll be able to choose his preschool teacher.
The “contest” is between an older, no-nonsense woman who has been teaching for more than 20 years, and a young teacher who’s more of the “let ‘em learn when they’re ready” sort. Given my son’s need for structure, I’m inclined to put him with the veteran. On the other hand, I don’t want to push him too hard. What do you think?
A. I think you should stop ruminating over all the pros and cons of these two classroom options and do what your intuition tells you is right.
First, no one knows your child better than you. Second, I’m absolutely certain that everything will be fine in the long run, regardless of which teacher you choose.
The fact is, there are benefits and disadvantages to each choice of teacher. Neither is perfect; therefore, neither is perfect for your child.
I long - as do many teachers, I’m told - for a return to the days when parents let the chips fall where they did in matters of this sort. I’m sure there were times when my mother thought I’d be better off in so-and-so’s class, but she never tried to influence a teacher assignment. She believed it took all kinds of people to make the world go ‘round; therefore, I needed to learn to deal with all kinds of people.
She also understood - and communicated to me! - that it was less my teacher’s responsibility to “give” me an education than it was mine to “get” it.
Today’s mother is inclined toward magnificent, albeit well-intentioned, meddling because she’s convinced that every single child-rearing issue has momentous ramifications. Just as there is no perfect teacher, there is no perfect child-rearing decision (or any other sort of decision for that matter). But today’s mom thinks if she agonizes enough, she can transcend that fact of life. Then, when something goes wrong, as it will, today’s mom feels guilty. She didn’t agonize enough.
As I said, if you feel that you really must make this decision, then let your intuition be your guide. But please! Understand that regardless of which teacher you choose, something she does during the school year will not set well with you. When that happens, leave it alone! Learn to shrug your shoulders and say, “Oh, well.”
In addition, stop trying to make a perfect world for your child. Let him learn that it takes all kinds, so he needs to learn to deal with all kinds.
Where reading at age 4 is concerned, I’ll just bet you’re not aware that if you take two children of average ability (IQ) and teach one to read at age 4 but don’t start instruction with the other until grade one, they will almost certainly be reading at the same level by the end of third grade.
On the one hand, I admire your concern. On the other, I think you would do yourself and your child a favor if you stopped being so concerned about details. Step back and take in the big picture.
I warn you, however. The big picture is addicting. Once you begin to appreciate it, you’ll never be able to agonize over details again, and nothing in your child’s life will ever be perfect.
Can you deal with that?
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The following fields overflowed: CREDIT = John Rosemond The Charlotte Observer