Fifth-Grader Already Wise To The World

“An apple a day keeps the doctor away.”

“A stitch in time saves nine.”

“The early bird gets the worm.”

Generations of Americans have grown up with these wise sayings. It’s interesting, then, to see what the latest generation makes of some of these maxims.

That was the assignment in our fifth-grader’s reading class not long ago. The teacher handed out a worksheet with the first half of some famous adages, challenging the children to finish them in creative ways.

It’s a telling look at how children view life these days. What kind of wisdom would 11-year-olds offer the world?

Our son’s versions of the famous old sayings were indeed interesting. What they are telling us is that we have a pragmatist on our hands.

With his permission, I share a few of his “newly famous” sayings.

Great talkers … get great punishments. (This wisdom may have been garnered from personal experience.)

Don’t throw stones at your neighbors. … They might throw them back. (I hope this one wasn’t from personal experience.)

Look ahead or you will … look in another direction. (Hard to argue with that.)

Well done is better than … overdone. (True of more than just meat.)

A rolling stone … means someone threw it. (They don’t just get up and walk on their own, you know.)

A bird in the hand is … messy. (Again, can’t argue it.)

No news is … my dad out of his job. (Dad works at the newspaper. This boy knows where his Nikes come from.)

A penny saved … is one penny richer. (This probably wasn’t learned from personal experience.)

Better to light a candle than … a house. (Should be the motto of every local fire department.)

It’s always darkest … where there’s no light. (I challenge you to find a hole in this theory.)

Don’t count your chickens. … They might be turkeys. (And this is true of more than fowl.)

If you can’t stand the heat … then don’t turn it on. (You had forgotten life was so simple, hadn’t you?)

The grass is always greener … when it’s not dead. (How can you argue with logic like that?)

I don’t know what our son’s teacher thought of his work. We decided, however, to let him do our tax returns this year.

I think they’ll be in safe hands.