Sex Isn’t Kid Stuff, Speaker Tells Teenagers Author Opens Conference With Candid Discussion, Urges Students To Make Maturity A Prerequisite To Sex
FOR THE RECORD: 3-26-98 Pregnancy rate down: The teen pregnancy rate in Spokane County has been declining since 1991. The trend was incorrectly reported in a story Wednesday on the “It’s Your Choice” conference.
What are boys thinking? What do men know?
Author Michael Gurian gave all the details Tuesday to more than 200 teens from a dozen Spokane County schools.
“If we’re going to be adults, we have to know boundaries,” Gurian told the mostly female audience at Spokane Community College.
“When you know that we can love each other without having to jump in the back seat, that’s the difference between a boy and a man.”
Gurian’s lecture was part of “It’s Your Choice,” a conference designed to help teens make life decisions. Sponsored by the Spokane Area Teenage Pregnancy Prevention Coalition, the event tackled a variety of topics, from abstinence and birth control to eating disorders and suicide.
To attend the six-hour conference, students needed written permission from their parents. Some also came as ambassadors for their schools, said event organizer PJ Watters.
“They’re here because this is important information,” Watters said. “They’ll take this knowledge and bring it back to their schools.”
Teen pregnancy rates in Spokane County have risen since 1995, statistics show.
Gurian - Tuesday’s keynote speaker and the author of “The Wonder of Boys” - emphasized the importance of maturity and the “sacredness” of sexual intercourse.
His frank discussion of masturbation, hormones and wet dreams sometimes prompted giggles from the crowd.
“When should a male have sexual intercourse?” Gurian asked.
To answer his own question, he used a fairy tale about three brothers rescuing three princesses.
The story “about how to become a man” was long and detailed, but in the end the youngest brother was the one who passed the test of manhood.
Unlike his brothers, he wasn’t a liar. He also was aware of his own independence and the “boundary between (him) and someone else.”
To rescue the princesses, he went into a deep pit, “into his own self.” His brothers were too afraid. In the pit, he hurt himself battling dragons with multiple heads. But he freed the princesses.
By doing that, he “fought his own dragons and faced his deepest fears,” Gurian said. When his brothers took off with the princesses and abandoned him, he found himself trapped in the pit. He experienced fear, shame and anger. He also learned to forgive his brothers.
“All of that has to occur in order for us to be adults, before we have sexual intercourse,” Gurian said.
Eventually, the hero was able to get out of the pit. He proved his brothers wrong, married the youngest princess and lived happily ever after.
“My challenge to you is to try and live your life in this kind of way,” Gurian told the students. He advised girls to scrutinize whom they have sex with, counseled boys to “make the whole journey” into manhood first.
“We don’t talk about (sex),” he said. “We don’t give our males enough wisdom about how to be men.”
In another session, he and students discussed the differences between women and men, stereotypes, and how sex should not be equated to love. He also challenged teenagers entering amorous relationships to wait six months to a year before engaging in sexual intercourse.
Devin Busse, a junior at Riverside High School, got a lot out of the lecture.
“The story gave me a lot of insight on maturity,” he said.
For other students, the event was a reality check.
Eleanor Cook, a sophomore at Lakeside High School, wandered around with a baby doll from her parenting class. The doll, which made crying noises, was programmed on “cranky” for the day. It interrupted speakers during workshops and attracted stares.
“This is a pain …,” Cook said, as she rocked the doll in a carrier. “I don’t want one of these right now.”
, DataTimes