Cheap Seats

Maybe one isn’t the loneliest number

Jeannette Roberts, a 49-year-old woman with a 35-handicap from Granite Bay, Calif., shot three holes in one between March 12 and March 20.

The extraordinary string began March 12, when Roberts, who had had a previous hole in one, aced the 75-yard third hole at Granite Bay Golf Club with a pitching wedge. She sank a 9-iron from 77 yards on the seventh hole two days later and collected her most recent March 20 with a 9-iron on the third.

There reportedly were witnesses for every ace.

Nonetheless, Roberts had scores of 101, 91 and 101 for the three rounds.

Those par 4s will get you every time.

Hi, pinhead, it’s me, Ken

San Diego Padres third baseman Ken Caminiti listened to several innings of insults from a heckler at Peoria (Ariz.) Stadium on March 24, then decided to do something about it.

Soon after he was removed from the game, Caminiti strolled into the stands in a T-shirt and shorts and plopped down next to the guy with the big mouth.

“I said, ‘Hi, how are you doing? I was just on the field a moment ago. Remember me?”’ Caminiti said.

“I just told him (the heckler): ‘I’m trying to understand why you felt you had to say those things to me.’ I said, ‘I’m trying to do well for you. That’s my goal. I’m working as hard as I can and I guess because I get paid well, you’re going to punish me for doing my job.’ “I just wanted to sit next to him. I never had a chance to do that before. I told him that I wouldn’t come to his job and yell those things at him.”

Yo, Ken. Would you visit some soccer parents for us?

Well, bite my tongue

In recent weeks, NBA Hall of Famer Dan Issel had been referring to Tony Battie, the first-round pick of the Denver Nuggets, as “El Busto” on his Denver sports talk show.

Will Issel keep calling Battie that now that he’s been hired to be the general manager of the Nuggets?

Doesn’t everyone hug their mailman?

Politically incorrect Philadelphia 76ers coach Larry Brown ripped referee Bill Oakes for changing three calls that wound up going against the Sixers in a home loss to the New Jersey Nets. “I don’t know if we’ve had three calls changed all year, and we had one referee change calls three times in one game,” Brown said. “That’s why we have three officials out there, not one guy to try and take a game away from you.”

Brown ripped the officials for not calling what he felt were fouls against Derrick Coleman at the end of the game, saying they would have given Utah’s Karl Malone “six shots and hugged him” on a similar play.

This is wedded bliss on the cutting edge

Cincinnati bullpen coach Tom Hume received quite a jolt last week when his wife, Susan, surprised him with a vintage, mint-condition 1964 Corvette for their 25th wedding anniversary.

“I don’t think I can top that,” Hume joked. “I already bought her a riding mower with a 60-inch cut so it won’t take her too long to cut the grass.”

The last word …

“I hear the Green Bay Packers are so upset with Reggie White’s views on gays that they’re trying to trade him to the Boy Scouts.” - Comedy writer Bob Lacey

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