Perhaps E-Mail Would Be Better
Dear Miss MannerS: Upon leaving my former workplace (under good conditions), my beloved co-workers requested that I keep in touch in writing, as I was moving to a different state entirely. I gladly do so.
However, it appears that a tragic accident must have left all of their writing hands broken and useless at the same time, as I have received only one answer to my brilliant works of witty prose. Could it be that this strange affliction is curable? They were chaste at the mention of my reporting their etiquette faux pas to Miss Manners!
Gentle Reader: The trouble with using Miss Manners to scare people is that she tries to look at things from everyone’s point of view. And while she commends you for writing to your former co-workers, she understands that they may never have intended it to be a full-fledged correspondence.
More likely, they intended it at the time but later realized that it would not be the same as chatting with you every day. It’s not just that it would require more effort, but they could no longer assume you would be interested in the minutiae of the work day and are not sure what else they could write. Workplace relationships, however cordial, are not the same as friendships, where there is a personal history.
Not that Miss Manners wants to discourage you from maintaining these warm ties. But sometimes keeping in touch requires a very light touch.
And although Miss Manners never thought she would live to say this, letters seem somewhat formal for that. She thinks you would find that an occasional cheery e-mail, which is closer to the sort of pleasant, spontaneous and trivial exchanges you enjoyed when you worked there, would be more likely to attract a response.
Dear Miss Manners: Year after year, I receive subtle hints from my children, who are parents themselves, that I should give them gifts for Mother’s Day, as they give gifts to me.
I have always given them cards, but I feel that gifts on that occasion should be limited to children honoring their mother and to the husband honoring his wife, since she is the mother of his children.
When Mother’s Day or Father’s Day becomes just another occasion to exchange gifts, I think we lose the meaning and purpose of honoring the parents who bore and raised us. I enjoy pampering my mother on that special day as well as being pampered by my own children, but not the other way around!
Gentle Reader: Motherhood should have its rewards, Miss Manners agrees, but she is afraid that retirement isn’t one of them. It is time to remind your children that they can’t always be the center of attention, and that sometimes they must do what Mother wants even if they don’t agree with her.
Miss Manners follows your point about not generalizing Mother’s Day to include all mothers, but she got lost when you ventured into why it was right to send them Mother’s Day cards but not presents.
Never mind. It is sufficient for her, as it should be for your children, that you are the mother and you say so.