Cheap Seats

Learning from the masters

At the end of the Chicago Bulls’ practice last week, some television reporters began interviewing Bulls beat writers about their job covering the team.

Steve Kerr and Jud Buechler were still on the floor shooting free throws, when Kerr noted the irony of the role reversal and said: “I can just hear them: ‘We take the articles one at a time’ and ‘we really have to step up our writing for the playoffs.”’

He was no Hack

In 1930, Hack Wilson of the Chicago Cubs drove in 190 runs. It’s a little-known record, but may be the most unreachable one in baseball.

Texas Rangers right fielder Juan Gonzalez is on pace to drive in almost 200 runs, but as White Sox slugger Frank Thomas says, “it’s easier to hit 62 homers than drive in 190 runs.”

Wilson’s record has been regarded as so unreachable few even talk about it. Some players didn’t know about it.

In 1979, Dave Kingman got off to a particularly good start with the Cubs and was on pace to drive in well over 100 runs. He went to a club official and asked for a $100,000 bonus if he broke the major league RBI record. The bonus was added to Kingman’s contract.

Well, the slugger was so excited about the deal that he immediately told a teammate about it.

“Do you know the record is 190 RBIs?” the teammate asked.

The front-office guys probably wish all negotiations would be that easy.

Your liver for a record

There were times Hack Wilson, who was a heavy drinker, might not have been aware of what he was accomplishing during his record-breaking season or those that followed in his relatively short career.

As the story goes, in 1931, straight-laced Rogers Hornsby, the new Cubs manager, became convinced that Wilson was drinking too much. He took his star player to a saloon and placed two glasses on a table. One glass was filled with whiskey, the other with water, and the manager put a worm into each glass.

The worm in the booze shriveled up almost instantly, but the worm in the water was fine.

“So what does this tell you?” Hornsby asked Wilson.

“It tells me I’ll never get worms,” Wilson responded.

Now that’s power

Former San Francisco 49ers tight end Brent Jones, on his new job as a pro football analyst for CBS:

“I have discovered that it’s a great tool for getting (other NFL players) to your golf tournament. It tells them that if they mess with me, I’ll just rip them on national TV.”

Take the hint, Jack

Last weekend, Reds manager Jack McKeon walked into the office at Three Rivers Stadium in Pittsburgh and noticed there were three plates of food on his desk. “What did they think?” McKeon said. “That I was going to the electric chair or that Tommy Lasorda was managing the Reds?”

The last word …

“A guy named Bill May has just become the first man to win the national title in synchronized swimming. Not only is he the first man to win the title, he also is the first man in history to ever watch synchronized swimming.”

- Jay Leno