Transition Can Cause Difficult Situations

Here are some situations and emotions parents may face with their children during the transition to middle and high school.

Anger

Some causes: Hurt, frustration, disappointment, a need to challenge, control, or be heard.

Managing anger: Recognize and identify the feeling, identify the real problem, brainstorm possible solutions.

Conflict

Some causes: At least one other person, different points of view about an issue or problem.

Resolving conflict: Calm down, give each other time to think. Agree with the other person to take turns talking and listening, treat one another with respect and work at solving the problem.

Depression

Symptoms: Persistent sadness, hopelessness, loss of interest or pleasure in usual activities, loss of energy, fatigue, irritability.

How to help: Help person get an appropriate diagnosis and treatment, offer understanding, patience, affection and encouragement.

Eating disorders

Signs and symptoms: Rapid weight loss, preoccupation with low body weight, intolerance of flaws in others, extreme sense of competition, periodic consumption of large quantities of food.

How to help: Let the person know that you think he or she looks emaciated, avoid social activities structured around food, seek professional help.

Grief and loss

Phases of grief: Shock, awareness of loss, withdrawal, healing, renewal.

How to help: Allow person to express feelings, understand, tolerate, be patient with steps of the grieving process.

Pregnancy

Some underlying causes: Unprotected or inadequately protected sexual intercourse, a need to nurture and control, fear of being alone.

How to help: Talk about feelings and concerns, provide accurate information about birth control, provide access to birth control.

Sexual activity

Some reasons for becoming sexually active: Pleasure, expression of deep affection, attempt to maintain relationship, experimentation, rebellion, peer acceptance.

How to help: Discuss the issue of sexual activity and include own values about sexuality and sexual activity, discuss openly (speak and listen with respect and understanding), be available when child wants to talk about sex, love and intimacy.

Substance abuse

Signs and symptoms: Weight loss, keeping odd hours, secrecy and withdrawal, changes in choices of friends, mood swings, reduced performance at school or work.

How to help: Talk about own feelings and concerns without lecturing, nagging and criticizing. If the person is dependent on a substance, accept the fact without blame and seek help.

Suicide

Adolescents seem to be extremely vulnerable to suicide at the beginnings and endings of school terms.

Risk factors: Previous attempt at suicide, use of drugs or alcohol, intense mood changes and aggressive outbursts, depression (often concealed), perfectionism, over-achievement.

Some warning signs: Direct and indirect verbal statements about death, talk about suicide, preoccupation with death and violence, social isolation, sudden termination of important relationships, severe pessimism.

How to help: Question, be available and willing to listen, talk openly, take threats seriously, empathize without judgment, help identify other choices, stay with person until help is obtained.

Violence

Causes: Neglect or abuse, lack of positive role models, feelings of not belonging, lack of meaning in life, no other options for expressing anger, resolving conflicts, solving problems.

Forms of violence: Abuse, vandalism, crime, destruction of own or family’s belongings, bullying.

How to help: Be a positive role model, share values, treat others with respect, build self-esteem, help to develop interests and skills.