Lovelorn Boy Needs Help For Depression
Q. I’m a 16-year-old male who suffers from untreated depression. Many things make me sad, but I somehow feel the only thing that can help me is a girl.
Since last February I’ve been talking to this girl on the Internet and we’ve developed a very loving relationship. Not a moment goes by that I’m not thinking of her. The problem is my parents. She can come out here anytime she wants (she lives in another state), but my mother told me she doubted she’s going to let me see her. She’s had some problems in her past but I love her enough to forget about them. I want her to come to be with me. My mother doesn’t understand what I’m going through and she doesn’t realize that this friend is the the only person who can help me. What do you think I should do?
A. The answer to depression and sadness is not a girlfriend, but medical treatment. Ongoing depression is a chemical condition that responds well to proper treatment. Several effective anti-depressants are available. Tell your mother you need to see a doctor.
Feeling good is not a burden you can place on another person. Do you realize how unfair this is? You are responsible for your own well being.
You want to bring to a relationship a person who is well balanced and positive, rather than a sad person who has to be taken care of. What steps are you taking to earn your own self-respect, and your friend’s admiration?
Building blocks of self-esteem include achieving goals you set for yourself, acquiring new knowledge, doing well in school, having a job you enjoy, making good friends. These activities can contribute to your good feelings.
Is this friend your age? What kind of parents would allow her to travel across the country to visit a boy they have never met? This is not a decision responsible parents make.
A girl who values herself will expect a boyfriend to be successful in the things he does, to have goals he values and to be able to enjoy life. These qualities enable you to give to her. Your letter suggests you have little to offer except emotional neediness.
Your major assignment is to seek treatment for your depression and develop your well-being. A girlfriend or friend should not have the responsibility of keeping you happy.
Q. My daughter is 8 years old and has an attention span of zero. It seems as if she’s in a world all by herself. Is there something wrong with her? I can’t even ask her to clean up her room, because she will start doing something else and totally forget about her room. I have to remind her about three times, then start looking serious and then maybe she will get the bed made.
I am lost, confused, frustrated and going crazy.
A. Gather information from several sources so you can determine if your daughter’s concentration varies in different settings. Is she doing well in school? Does she make friends easily?
Talk with her teacher and ask for a report of her classroom activities. Is she is able to follow directions and sustain concentration at school? What are the results of her school achievement tests?
Contact her doctor to get an evaluation to rule out any physical problems. If the doctor finds a chemical or neurological deficit or a hearing loss, he or she will describe the treatment options.
Enroll in a parent education class. This is a fast-track method of developing a more effective method of discipline. Call the local adult education program or the YWCA.
Most 8-year-olds need supportive monitoring to help them follow through with assignments.
When you give a direction, stay with her and guide her through the steps. Praise her progress.
Use a system of rewards to encourage the behavior you want and to place the focus on the benefits of following directions. Encouragement and compliments are more effective than nagging.