Don’T Worry, Be Wasteful
The Slice has a new policy regarding outdoor Christmas decorations.
We no longer care how early you put them up, nor do we intend to worry about how long you wait to take them down.
Just make sure to use about the same amount of electricity as is required to manufacture aluminum.
* New STA route added: Travis Sanborn, 6, named the turtle-riding cat in the photo “Beast.”
* Four statements that are true despite the fact people usually don’t talk about such things:
1. Lots of nonelderly people experience urinary incontinence.
2. Some people join churches to meet dating prospects
3. More than a few parents with an eye on getting their kids accepted at prestigious colleges get way too involved in writing essays and completing other homework assignments.
4. There are men who, when sneaking a peak at women’s magazines, feel as if they are sampling soft porn.
* Another axiom for life from Charlie Campbell: “If the minimum wasn’t good enough it wouldn’t be the minimum.”
* Sign of the season: That yelping you hear around bedtime could be CSS - Cold Sheet Syndrome.
* Three things you learn walking around in downtown Spokane:
1. There are at least two Helen Hunt look-alikes who emerge from offices at lunchtime.
2. Just because a man has on an expensive sweater doesn’t mean he won’t give someone the finger.
3. Some women never really get the hang of walking in high heels.
* Important date in history: “All this talk about John Glenn, I had to tell you this true story,” wrote Virginia Hill of Sprague. “On Feb. 20, 1962, my brother Don called our mom and said ‘John Glenn is not the only man in orbit - I am too.’ “
His wife had just given birth to a son. The newborn boy had five sisters waiting to meet him.
* “Getting in Touch With Your Inner Inland Northwesterner”: And now, Chapter Two.
“Whatever gave you the idea that anyone really wanted to hear about your feelings anyway?”
* Possible names for your ranch-style tract house: “The Ponderosa.”
“The Peanut Butter Spread.”
“The Double Latte.”
* Today’s Slice question: What Inland Northwest dog holds the record for continuous barking?