Simple Tools Can Help You Manage Everyday Stresses

Q. We recently had someone come to our company to talk about stress management. All he did was talk about the physical results of stress and tell us we need to not be so stressed and to relax.

It really wasn’t very helpful, and I was wondering if you could offer some tips on how to handle stress.

A. You’ve run into a problem I see all too often in the field of stress management, as well as in any other area that involves wanting to change.

Anyone can describe the problem for you, sometimes in great detail. Then a few others can describe the problem and tell you what you should do about it.

What you need is someone to tell you the how of managing the stress in your life.

Let’s take a look at two things not to do and then several tools for handling the stress in your life. I call it “stress out - stress down - stress through.”

Stress out. We’ve all complained, uselessly, “I’m stressed out!”

How many times do you have to repeat it before saying it starts to help?

This is a meaningless cry that serves only to make us feel sorry for ourselves and leads to no change at all.

Stress down. Sounds really good, doesn’t it? Just reduce and/or eliminate all the stress from your life and everything will be OK.

The problem is, it’s just a myth that contributes to our feeling even more stressed out.

We live in an increasingly complex and fast-paced world, and unless we are bombed back to the Stone Age, it’s just going to continue. So what we need are powerful tools for dealing with the stress in our lives.

Stress through. In order to stress through, you need to learn how to make the stress in your life work for you. There are lots of resources out there to help you successfully manage your stress.

Here are three of what I consider are “must haves.”

“Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff: And It’s All Small Stuff,” (Hyperion, $9.95) by Richard Carlson, is a great little book on managing stress. It offers 100 useful suggestions on how to not “sweat the small stuff.”

“Toughness Training for Life” is another good book, by James Loehr, that fits with my belief that “a diamond is nothing more than a lump of coal that handled stress very well.”

“Achieving the Dynamic Balance” is a three-part tape program by Tim O’Brien of the Institute for Stress Management, 2938 Wellington Circle East, Tallahassee, FL 32308. (Send e-mail to ism@hyperstress.com, or check the Web site at www.hyperstress.com.)

To get you started on managing stress, here are three tools that you can use right away.

Tool of relaxation. Here’s something I call push-button relaxation.

Picture yourself somewhere that is very relaxing and peaceful. See, hear and feel everything as if you were there.

Now create your own personal button to create this picture and feeling. For some people it’s a snap of the fingers, others use a word or phrase or lines from a song - whatever quickly takes you there in your imagination.

Use your push-button when you’re feeling stress and notice the difference.

Tool of battle. This does not mean grab your sword and shield. It does mean to pick your battles wisely. Whether the situation is parent-child, between spouses, boss-employee, with a co-worker, neighbor or whomever, it’s vital to ask: Is this a battle worth fighting?

Many of us tend to major in minor things. We let too many little things upset us.

The more you ask this question, the less you’ll have needless battles, and you’ll have less stress and more energy.

Tool of fun and spontaneity. We’ve just about killed off fun and spontaneity with our overscheduled, day-planner-run lives. I’ve even seen one friend’s daily schedule that had a 15-minute block that reminded him to “have fun.”

Here’s my challenge to you: Sometime in the next week, do something totally spontaneous and fun. If you need a suggestion, here’s one from Lollie McLean, author of “Tools for a Happier Life” (http://www.lollie.com).

She recommends going for a “butterfly walk.” A butterfly walk is simply seeing a butterfly and following it wherever it goes.

I know this sounds sort of fluffy, but try it. It can be very relaxing. You will not be graded.

One more challenge: Take each one of these tools and regularly use them in your life for the next month.

Not only will you notice a difference, I think you’ll like the difference. Keep the change!