Simple Steps For Creating An Honest Child First Of All, Become A True Parent By Stop Trying To Change Your Kid

Early in my parenting career, I read many books, talked with many people and even took parenting classes on childcare, child development and positive discipline. There are many ideas over the years that I have used and many I have thrown away. One idea really struck a chord with me and this is what I want to pass on to you. I came across this advice by chance, not in a class or a book, but in casual conversation about life.

It has been said that you aren’t really an adult until you quit trying to change your parents. I took that idea and extended it to include one’s spouse and then one’s child. When all is said and done, you are the only person you have any control over. So my advice goes like this: You are not really a parent until you quit trying to change your child.

Does that sound crazy?

Please do not think that this idea in anyway exonerates you from the responsibility for your children. What this idea does is lay a great deal of responsibility on your own shoulders to be the best person you can be, if not for yourself, then for your children.

In the margins of this newspaper, write down the five characteristics you would like to see in your child. Now, look at yourself and decide if you possess those same characteristics. If you do not, then it will be much more difficult for your child to develop those characteristics. To create an honest child, she must see honesty practiced everyday by the ones she loves and respects. Is it a hard worker you want to create? You had better get busy with your own work habits.

Initially this approach to parenting may be difficult. It may be painful to be honest with yourself. It may even be impossible to see yourself clearly. You may deny all sorts of things, but after some time, it actually makes parenting easier. You have only one person to change, yourself. When you have something concrete to put your energies into, you may not feel as helpless.

Several years ago, I was feeling frustrated when my children would cram their newly washed and folded clothes into their drawers. Instead of my usual lecture, I had them join me in my bedroom to compare my husband’s drawers to mine. After observing the neatness of my husband’s drawers in comparison to the chaos of mine, my children could see the advantage in developing tidy habits in their youth. To have at least one adult with good habits is an asset, but in order to set an example for my children, I was the one who needed to change. I now have tidy clothes drawers. And I am glad to say that all three of the older children do have very neat clothes drawers, even neater than mine! The fourth is still undergoing development.

Habits such as tidiness are easy to identify and admit to. There are other areas of far greater importance that are much more threatening to a parent. How honest are you? How generous are you? Are you fun to be with? Do you smoke? Do you speed on the highway? The possibilities for parental improvements are endless and mind-boggling. I am not suggesting that we can become perfect people. Start with the easy areas, or the ones most important to you. By becoming the type of person we would admire, our children have a tremendous example to follow.

The clincher to this idea is that for your children to assimilate these wonderful characteristics into their own personalities, they need you to be there for them - a lot.

All of this, of course, is theoretical and I will get back to you in about 20 years to let you know how it worked. But so far we have two teenage girls in the house whom we adore and enjoy, and two school-age boys who we think are delightful beyond words. One additional benefit to spending a great deal of time with your children and not trying to change them is that you may discover what wonderful traits your children already possess and acquire some of their qualities for yourself.