Cash And Courage Needed For Foreign Fare
One of the biggest concerns first-time travelers have when planning a trip abroad is the food namely finding food with more taste and nutrition than the newspaper you’re holding. Today I sorted through the pile of letters under my desk searching for food-oriented questions.
Q: “Is it safe to eat the food in foreign countries?”
A: The answer, of course, is no, it is not safe and you should definitely not let a morsel pass your lips once you leave the United States.
Just kidding. Naturally, you run the risk of gastrointestinal disturbance when you expose your innards to the bacteria in other parts of the world, but I’ve found that those who try too hard to avoid eating the wrong thing invariably get sick anyway. For those who want to take precautions, a general guideline is to stick to food that has been grilled beyond recognition and only drink water that tastes like it has more purification chemicals in it than a health club Jacuzzi.
Q: “Which country has the worst food?”
A: Hard to say. England would have to be near the top of this list. I mean, you can certainly find excellent food in England. However, almost none of it is technically English.
For example, their national dish is potato and leftover fish parts coated in a quarter-inch layer of fried animal fat, served on an old newspaper with a healthy dose of vinegar. Also, the English make food with blood in it (I’m not sure whose blood it is), then actually announce this, as if it’s supposed to entice diners into a pub.
Q: “Does eating at McDonald’s in another country count as dining on foreign food?”
A: That depends on what you order. French fries in France, for example, would not count. But McDonald’s has a few specialty meals only available in certain countries where they have made an effort to punch up their menu with local flavor. One example is the McKiwi Burger in New Zealand, which has a big slice of canned beet root in it. In my book, anyone willing to eat a slice of beet root on their burger gets to call it foreign food.
Q: “Which countries do you recommend for trying unusual food?”
A: China and Iceland will both challenge your palate. Recently in China, I ate dog, fried scorpion, fried grasshopper, fried cocoons and a snake, after drinking both the snake’s blood and some of its bile juices. I’m not exactly sure why I did this. Possibly peer pressure from a group of young Germans I was eating with. Or possibly lack of communication with the waiter. It’s all relatively normal fare found in many restaurants and offered by street vendors around Beijing.
I was not courageous enough to tackle some of Iceland’s exotic treats, such as hakarl, or shark meat that’s been buried in gravel for five or six months to decompose. Icelanders don’t have to worry much about where they bury it since birds and rodents won’t go near it. Once exhumed, it smells like an ammoniadoused dead cat left in a rain gutter, and reportedly tastes even worse.
Nor did I try sursadir hrutspungar, a meal that’s even more difficult to swallow than pronounce. It’s a cake made from rams’ testicles pickled in whey. And if that doesn’t deter you, go ahead and dine on some svid, a seared and boiled (and sometimes pickled) sheep’s head, complete with tongue, eyes and nose. The brain - fortunately or unfortunately, depending on your point of view - has been removed, and the head chopped in two. Yum!
Q: “What do you recommend for fine dining?”
A: I recommend you bring a suitcase full of money. Also a guide to top restaurants in the region you’re visiting. If the restaurant is exceptional, it may have a star from Michelin, a tire company with a mascot that looks like a walking marshmallow. The number of Michelin stars corresponds roughly with the number of years it will take you to pay off the bill.
Q: “What do you recommend for cheap food?”
A: I once met a group of 10 English travelers in Tel Aviv who were sleeping on the beach next to a fourstar hotel and making three trips per day to the nearby supermarket for free samples. I went with them for lunch. I ate four cheese cubes (the limit), some kosher chicken stew in a plastic cup, a tiny cup of juice and a plastic spoonful of ice cream for desert. I believe the entire meal came to about 13 calories but it certainly cheap.
Q: “What do you usually snack on while you’re traveling?”
A: Imodium A-D.