Cheap Seats
She can’t win
Heavyweight champion Evander Holyfield has filed for divorce, and Barry Horn of the Dallas Morning News says: “Tip to Mrs. Holyfield. If the bailiff announces that the `Honorable Eugenia Williams’ is presiding, ask to settle out of court.”
Forget about a split decision.
Don’t let the door hit you …
Jim Harrick’s bizarre flip-flop last week - first he’s going to Georgia, then he’s not, then he is - understandably left many in Rhode Island a little miffed.
“In the end,” Jim Donaldson of the Providence Journal wrote of the former UCLA basketball coach, “Harrick wound up slithering out of town… .
“Two-faced to the very end, he wouldn’t face his team; wouldn’t come in person to tell (athletic director Ron) Petro, who had given him a chance to coach when nobody else would, that he was turning his back on URI for the second time in 24 hours; wouldn’t explain to rooters why he had toyed with their emotions and trivialized their loyalty… .
“Now, he’s gone, and the prevailing feeling is good riddance, rather than goodbye.”
Confidence builder
John Kerr’s teammate with the former NBA Syracuse Nationals, Connie Dierking, dreaded plane trips. So Kerr tried to put him at ease while airborne.
“Connie,” Kerr said. “It’s the safest way to travel, and it’s the fastest. It’s a lot more dangerous on the ground.
“Why, I just read the other day about a train that derailed - eight cars overturned, 132 injured, 15 killed.
Said Dierking: “What happened?” Replied Kerr: “A plane fell on it.”
He’s got a point
Larry Guest in the Orlando Sentinel, on Shaquille O’Neal’s claim that if the officials called every foul against him he would average 60 points a night: “More accurately, it only would mean he misses 60 free throws a night.”
Babe in the woods
Michigan State coach Tom Izzo, on his introduction to reality when he won his first game:
“We kicked Chaminade’s butt by two and got to play North Carolina next in a preseason tournament. During a pregame interview, the TV network flashed a graphic on the screen as I talked. It said: `Coaching comparison: Dean Smith 837 wins, Tom Izzo 1. Good Luck, Tom.”’
He can recruit, but can he play?
Mike Littwin of the Rocky Mountain News, on what’s gone wrong with the Denver Nuggets: “Well, we can start with Nick Van Exel.
“The Lakers discarded Nick the Quick and eventually hired Dennis the Sick. What does that tell you? … The best thing he has done for the Nuggets was to help recruit (Antonio) McDyess. But if the Nuggets wanted to build around a recruiter, they should have hired Mike Krzyzewski.”
The last word …
“If you go according to the book, then maybe I wouldn’t run in some situations I do. But I’ve got my own book.”
- Detroit Tigers manager Larry Parrish, on his baserunning strategy