Study Proves Spanking Works
Q. In the New York Times, I recently read, “While research has shown that children turn out best in families in which parental demands are enforced, that is true only if the punishment is not punitive.” Is that true?
A. I read the same article, and no, that is absolutely not true. In the first place, punishment is, by definition, punitive. I trust the author meant to say “that is true only if the consequences are not punitive.’ Even then, however, the statement is still false.
The truth: Some researchers claim to have produced evidence that punishment is counterproductive, but a landmark study that has withstood the test of time affirms otherwise.
In 1973, psychologist Diana Baumrind published the results of her study on parenting styles. At 26 years and counting, Baumrind’s study is considered classic, the best of the best. After comparing authoritarian (high expectations, low nurture), authoritative (high expectations, high nurture), and permissive (low expectations, high nurture), Baumrind found that authoritative parents, who tend to employ spanking (in moderation) as well as other punitive consequences, rear the most well-adjusted, well-behaved children.
Most interesting was a finding concerning permissive parents, almost all of whom reported they did not believe in spanking. In one-on-one interviews, however, many of these same parents admitted to explosive attacks of physical rage toward their children.
Baumrind decided “they apparently became violent because they could neither control the child’s behavior nor tolerate its effect upon themselves.”
No reasonable person would argue that the more punishment, the better. Punishment can certainly be overused, and any given punishment can be overdone.
The essence of effective discipline is not correct selection of consequences, but communication. Discipline is the process of creating a disciple, someone who will follow your lead. It is leadership, pure and simple, not punishment-ship. Good leaders are good communicators, and they are adept at helping people bring out the best in themselves. This applies to parenting as well as relationships in the workplace.
Where misbehavior is concerned, Baumrind’s research is unequivocal: Punitive consequences (i.e., taking away privileges, restriction) not only work better than nonpunitive ones (i.e., reasoning, threats), but also are most effective when used as a first resort.
I also take issue with the implication in the Times’ article that parents should demand obedience. They should expect obedience, yes, and they should command it, but a parent who finds him/herself demanding obedience on a fairly routine basis is a parent who does not know how to command. And again, the essence of good command is good communication.
For a parent, this means acting like you know what you want your child to do and not do, and communicating your expectations in no uncertain terms.