Are You Ready For Kickoff?

Thu., Aug. 26, 1999

By Paul Turner srpaulturner@gmail.com

Push ‘em back, push ‘em back, waaaaay back!

It’s time again to start practicing that most impotent form of aggression. Yes, the season for rooting against your enemies’ favorite football teams has arrived.

And remember, in this sense, “enemy” is defined as anyone who gets on your nerves.

Have fun.

* 1-800 job performance: Margo Raymond is a stay-at-home mom with two children younger than 2. Her sign would say “How’s my diapering?”

* Lyric alternatives: “Well, I’m standing on a corner in …”

Instead of “Winslow, Arizona,” Chuck Borris suggested “downtown Okanogan,” “greater Walla Walla” and “lower Penawawa,” among others.

John Wojtulewicz subbed in “Missoula, Montana,” and also changed several other lines of that old Eagles song.

“It’s some sheep my Lord” might give you an idea where his rewritten version of “Take It Easy” heads.

“Come on, baaaaaaby …”

* Just wondering: At your business, who’s the best at pretending to be working?

* Slice answer: Several readers said visitors probably chuckle as they take snapshots of the public health building in Spokane.

“It looks like it has urinals on the corners,” said Kathy Beaver.

* Lucky 7: 1. Would you recommend the Sierra Silver Mine Tour in Wallace?

2. Who around here has a home floor plan with a bathroom nearest the dining area?

3. When writing checks to pay bills, do you believe that making truly definite decimal points somehow protects you from skulduggery?

4. Do you save your angriest phonemail messages so you can entertain co-workers?

5. Can you tell when your spouse/significant other is trying really hard to not check out an attractive member of the opposite sex?

6. What was the worst Little League team in Spokane history?

7. Ever been talking on the phone to someone who was using a cell phone while driving and heard that person get in an accident?

* Fly like an Eagle: Newsweek recently dubbed Eastern Washington University a “hidden treasure.”

The magazine also praised WSU and Western Washington University.

* Today’s Slice question (a late summer Slice rerun): What Inland Northwest school has the most ridiculous density of kids with the same first name?

Local journalism is essential.

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