Who’S Holding The Purse Strings?

Dear Nancy: I’ve had this recurring dream for several years and would like your opinion on it. The details change but the theme is always the same - I lose my purse. I’m happily married and feel I have a good life with no major problems. - Julie

I’m shopping in a store and set my purse down to have a closer look at something. When I go to get my purse, it’s gone. I frantically look for it, and I’m angry at myself for being so negligent.

Dear Julie: When we spoke on the telephone I asked what was happening in your life when you started having these dreams. You said you had just remarried, and that the hardest transition was moving from your home of many years into the home of your husband.

Let’s explore the purse as a dream symbol. We carry our valuables in our purses (men, in their wallets). We are essentially powerless without our money, credit cards and identification. When I asked if you felt a loss of identity when you married, you said, “Yes! Moving out of my home and into his, trying to adjust to his ways and his things was really difficult for me. I still find it a challenge.”

The dream purse is not forcibly taken away from you but lost through your neglect. Are there ways you can express your individuality and personality more fully in your life? A start might be as simple as decorating your new home to suit your tastes.

Money is a common issue between newly married couples. You might feel a loss of control over your own money if you share bank accounts or expenses with your husband. What can you do to feel more comfortable with the way money is handled within the marriage?

Sharing this dream with your husband might be a good way to begin making these changes. It can lead the way to better understanding and communication.

Reader’s Tip: How do you act in your dreams? Do you run away when confronted with difficult situations? Are you usually an observer rather than a participant? Do you accept persecution or neglect rather than fight for or take what you want and need? Are you hostile and aggressive?

Everyone has instances of these underlying attitudes and behaviors, and when they appear repeatedly in our dreams, they show us how we respond to life in our waking world.

In other words, if we are frequently fearful in our dreams, most likely we’re fearful in life. If we don’t ask for what we need during our sleeping hours, it’s doubtful we do when we’re awake.

A dream journal is a valuable resource for tracking these patterns. Make a note of your emotional response for each dream: Were you fearful, angry, anxious, joyful or merely observing? After several dreams, you’ll see a pattern emerge that will uncover your habitual way of being.

Dreams give us a place to practice new behaviors. We can begin by mentally going back into the dream and changing our responses. We can ask for what we need and get it, fight if need be, or be more loving. We can step out of the observer roll and get involved.