Cheap Seats

Rim shot, please

Cathy Harasta of the Dallas Morning News reports that one of the best names in sports belongs to Ollie Hoops, co-owner of the semi-pro Dallas Express of the Southwest Basketball League.

He admits his name is so unbelievable he often has to get out his driver’s license to prove it.

Big Mac smacks another one

Mark McGwire said he hasn’t changed since his record-smashing year, but his life has.

“Basically, I can’t go anywhere without being recognized,” he said. “I thought it would be sort of easy living in Southern California and getting away with it, but it turns out no. It’s been an interesting winter.”

Highlights of his time off include appearing on “The Late Show With David Letterman,” visits with actors Robin Williams and Sean Pean, and an acting stint on an episode of “Mad About You” that airs Feb. 22.

McGwire’s always been a big fan of the latter show and a bonus was a screen kiss with co-star Helen Hunt.

“I had to be persuaded to do it, because it wasn’t my cup of tea,” McGwire said. “But I got to kiss Helen, so what the heck?”

And our lives will feel so empty

With Michael Jordan in retirement, Ahmad Rashad of NBC-TV won’t be providing all those in-depth stories about him.

Wrote Shaun Powell in The Sporting News: “Now we’ll just have to guess where Jordan ate dinner and played golf.”

No cheap seats for NBA players

The recent news conference for new baseball Hall of Famers George Brett, Nolan Ryan and Robin Yount was held in the same New York hotel where NBA players were scheduled to meet when the league reached an agreement with the players’ union.

After watching the basketball players, even back-up guards, arrive in stretch limos, Brett asked: “Doesn’t anyone in that league take a cab?”

But there are cheap thrills in Akron

With Copley High School leading Wadsworth by only two points in a crucial Akron, Ohio, basketball game, a Copley fan made a defensive maneuver surely not addressed in Wadsworth’s playbook.

Just as a Wadsworth player was about to throw an in-bounds pass, the 16-year-old Copley student pulled the player’s shorts down to his knees.

“The incident took place at a critical stage of the game, and it was a must-win for our team,” Wadsworth coach John Martin said. “Can you imagine what kind of concentration our kid had after he was exposed?”

Barely focused?

In a league of their own

Joe Knowles, writing in the Chicago Tribune: “With all the local comings-and-goings-on, the Super Bowl hasn’t created much of a buzz in Chicago.

“Of course, it probably would be a lot different if we had an actual NFL franchise here.”

The last word …

“I’m silly to come here, but he’s crazy to be coaching here.”

- Brent Barry, talking about why he decided to join Tim Floyd with the talent-decimated Chicago Bulls.