Cheap Seats

Early nominee for understatement of the year

Indy Racing League driver Mark Dismore, on what it was like to hit the wall at Indianapolis Motor Speedway:

“It feels like someone hit me in the back with a baseball bat.”

It’s a simple sport when you think about it

Evander Holyfield’s trainer, Don Turner, was asked how his fighter will fare in his upcoming match with Lennox Lewis.

“I see Evander hitting him and him falling down,” he answered.

Easy target for a pot shot

Overweight Shawn Kemp shouldn’t be a problem for Cleveland Cavaliers coach Mike Fratello, says Joe Knowles of the Chicago Tribune.

“He can look on the bright side, such as the fact Kemp now can double-team someone all by himself.”

What happens during a losing streak?

When former Jacksonville offensive coordinator Chris Palmer was being interviewed for the Cleveland Browns’ coaching job, Browns owner Al Lerner and team president Carmen Policy excused themselves and left Palmer sitting alone for about an hour.

“I felt like I was a kicker and they were trying to ice me with three timeouts,” Palmer said.

Every team needs a good `Yes!’ man

Marv Albert returns from a 16-month absence to do the radio play-by-play for the New York Knicks’ home opener today against the Miami Heat.

He was fired by NBC in September 1997 after pleading guilty to biting a former lover during a sexual encounter. He later had the misdemeanor assault conviction cleared from his record.

Albert’s goal is to return to NBC, where he worked for 20 years, or another network.

But it’s not up to him.

“I’ll never close the door on it because I think Marv’s paid his debt,” NBC Sports chairman Dick Ebersol said. But…

“Right now, our stable of announcers is tied up, and we’d have to wait and see when something opens up.”

Tied up? Marv’s looking forward to it already.

We thought it was just the jitters

Yips, a nervous twitching that sometimes afflicts golfers, has been defined medically as “Focal dystonia, which is thought to originate in the nervous system, causing normally flowing muscles to jerk uncontrollably when a player is trying to putt.”

This diet, we’d love to try

Jockeys are notorious for diets to keep their weight under control. Silver Charm’s conditioner, Bob Baffert, who was a jockey before becoming a trainer, had a unique one.

“Once I decided to go on a chocolate eclair diet because I liked chocolate eclairs,” he told Pasadena Weekly. “I’d eat one for lunch, one for dinner. I did that for about a week.”

Which might be why he became a trainer.

The last word …

“I wanted to be known for my game, not my name.”

- Cleveland State basketball player James Madison, on why he canceled a recruiting trip to James Madison University.