Cheap Seats

He’ll spend his money elsewhere

New Jersey Net Jayson Williams, on whether he would risk a fine and retaliate against Atlanta’s Dikembe Mutombo for breaking his nose with an elbow:

“You think I want to give the NBA my money? I’m trying to put another pool in.”

All in the family

The Golden State Warriors’ Terry Cummings, now in his 17th year in the NBA, has a son playing college ball in Wisconsin and one playing high school ball near Chicago. He told Bob Sakamoto of the Chicago Tribune:

“The greatest part about lasting 17 years in the NBA is that I get to watch my sons play, and they get to see me play. It’s not like some other kids who say, `My dad used to play in the NBA.”’

Or like most kids who say, “My dad used to watch the NBA.”

Doorknobs and broomsticks

Mike Littwin of the Rocky Mountain News confessed that he didn’t have much interest previously in the Winter Olympic payoff scandal:

“But that was before I heard about the doorknobs. And now I can’t get enough.

“According to the latest report on the scandal, the Salt Lake Organizing Committee (SCHLOCK?) spent $673 on doorknobs to bribe IOC members to vote for a Salt Lake Winter Olympics.

“Doorknobs? Heck, if it’s me and I’m an IOC delegate on the make, I’m holding out for at least aluminum siding. Besides, how much does a doorknob go for these days, and don’t they have Home Depots overseas?”

Tossing another Cherry bomb

Hockey Night in Canada commentator Don Cherry won’t allow his syndicated column to run in the Montreal Gazette because he dislikes the paper’s columnists, Pat Hickey and Doug Todd.

So Hickey wrote, “The guy who preaches toughness is basically a gutless bully.”

Todd was even more graphic, calling Cherry “that breast-beating, narrow-minded, loud-mouthed, bigoted, Europhobic, Francophobic … embarrassment to Canada.”

Hickey and Todd are Americans who recently disclosed they went to Canada to avoid service in the Vietnam War. That gave Cherry his opening: “I would never be associated with a paper that would think of hiring two slimeballs … two Americans who are telling us about hockey and who deserted their country in time of need.”

The greater crime in Canada, of course, is an American telling a Canadian about hockey.

Probably don’t need the helmet, either

Bob Verdi, writing in Golf World on the relatively quiet courtesy of golf fans:

“Here was Junior Griffey standing over a putt (at Pebble Beach). The baseball star listened for familiar sounds, but heard only a library.

“`Ain’t used to this,’ he said to the respectful gallery. `Anybody. Please make some noise.”’

The last word …

“You give him one of those Tonya Harding-Nancy Kerrigan things. It’s the only way to stop him.”

- Nick Van Exel, the former L.A. Laker now with the Denver Nuggets, on how to stop Shaquille O’ Neal.