Backpack Users: You’Re Bigger Than You Think

Tue., Feb. 23, 1999

By Paul Turner srpaulturner@gmail.com

There is a crying need for consciousness-raising in the area of backpack awareness.

If you are among the bruised and battered who routinely get whomped by backpacks, you know it’s true.

An alarmingly high percentage of the students and others who carry packs fail to recognize that this protuberance changes a person’s dimensions. As a result, a lot of innocent bystanders get whacked by backpacks as wearers turn corners or bustle through hallways. Too many wearers are oblivious to the fact that spaces big enough to accommodate them aren’t necessarily big enough for them when they’re wearing backpacks.

There’s also the matter of people getting whipped by decorative tassels tied to backpacks. And then there’s the reality of tripping over packs dumped on the floor.

But let’s not try to cover too much in one day.

* Assumption made about couples who decide to have only one child: “They didn’t get the epidural in time.” - Lesley Hutson

* Just wondering: When out doing errands, how often do you find yourself seeing the same person at two or three different places in a row? (Not to be confused with always seeing someone you know when going to the grocery store in clothes a notch or two below “casual.”)

* Slice answer: “After graduating from high school in Los Angeles, I came to the Spokane area to spend the summer with my sister and family,” wrote Janet Baden. “That was in 1972. Guess what? I’m still here.”

* Arkansas influence: “I knew it was time to educate my two young boys about the world of professional sports when my then 6-year-old son Quentin asked if a particular baseball player played for the New York Hankies,” wrote Shelly Kearney of Deer Park. “Now at age 10, he’s a bit more knowledgeable but still makes mistakes. We were discussing the jobs of a fullback, halfback and quarterback when he asked, `What is the razorback supposed to do?’ “

* Feedback: The consensus appears to be that the Spokane area doesn’t really have anything like certain smug Seattleites regarding Bellevue residents as soulless suburbanites. For one thing, said one observer, a lot of people in Spokane view chic and suburban as synonymous.

* Warm-up questions: When can you tell that wedding planning has gone from ridiculous to insane? Ever seen another driver pull over and stop before making a cell-phone call?

* Today’s Slice question: What’s your best blankie story?

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