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I solemnly swear…
Steve Hummer of the Atlanta Journal-Constitution on some of his New Year’s resolutions:
“Not to watch any sport described as extreme, ultra or radical. As soon as they break out a ramp or a board of any kind, I’m outta there.
“Never do the `Dirty Bird’ in public, no matter how well-served I’ve been.
“Not to buy a used Masserati from an NBA player.”
Lack of vision
The Tampa Bay Buccaneers finished the season with an 8-8 record and when coach Tony Dungy was asked what needs to be done to his offense, he said:
“I don’t see a quarterback coach coming in, and I don’t see a new offensive coordinator. I just don’t see that being done.”
Looks like another case of the blind leading the blind.
Who says there are no shutouts in basketball?
Not too long ago, Duncanville (Texas) ChristWay’s girls basketball team represented a standout program among private schools. In the 1994-95 season, the Chaparrals won their second consecutive championship in the Oakridge Classic.
But the program in Duncanville, near Dallas, hit its low point in the same tournament it had dominated earlier, losing 103-0 to Oakridge.
“I had my eyes on my daughter, on her face, seeing her disappointment,” Dari Hayes said after watching his daughter, Arin Hayes, and her teammates. “Her boyfriend, John Harrison, is the leading scorer on the boys team and between the two of us we put it in perspective.
“In the scope of world events, worse things could have happened. As for a lifelong effect, they’ll get more out of this than any victory.”
Protecting their backsides
ESPN has gone to the net to protect its college football personalities.
The cable network’s popular traveling college football studio show, ESPN College GameDay, tries to attract viewers with strong opinions from its personalities.
The commentary has persuaded some fans to throw golf balls, full beer cans, and iceballs at hosts. That’s prompted ESPN to place a net behind its commentators Lee Corso, Chris Fowler, and Kirk Herbstreit to ensure that they won’t be hurt by projectiles.
“Sure, it’s sad,” said Steve Vecchione, coordinating producer of ESPN’s college football pregame show. “But there’s nothing more important than the safety of these guys.”
That became paramount last season. Corso was talking about Michigan-Michigan State when a full can of beer tossed from a crowd of about 5,000 sailed past his head and hit a camera. ESPN then decided to place a tight net - invisible to viewers - at its commentators’ backs.
“I could put up with the golf balls, the lewd comments, the footballs and everything else they used to throw at us,” Corso said. “But that beer can, man, that was enough.”
Apparently, fans have tired of waiting for Corso to say something intelligent.
The last word …
“Hey, listen, let me tell you something. If I fell down, I’d rock myself to sleep.” - New York Jets coach Bill Parcells, after Sports Illustrated reported that he weighs 240 pounds.