Do We Need All This Advice?

It’s true. Aliens do take over the bodies of adults when they become parents.

How do I know? It’s the only explanation for what happens to you after your child is born.

During pregnancy, I was bombarded with stories and advice from others who already were parents — all unsolicited, of course.

I remember silently laughing at this phenomenon and vowing to not be like that when I became a parent.

So the other night, a good friend called. She happens to be pregnant. Before I knew it I was flapping my gums a mile a minute with my theories and stories about “the way it is.”

Then I hung up the phone and realized “I have become one of them.”

Need more proof? Only aliens could be behind the flood of parenting books on the market (a.k.a. the way to pass on our theories and stories to the masses instead of just individuals).

For example, Sheila Ellison, mother of four and author of several books designed to help parents has just released her latest, “365 Ways to Raise Great Kids” (Sourcebooks, Inc. $12.95). In it she suggests what can only be described as alien-inspired ideas for families, including:

Playing Pin the Blame on the Donkey. Everyone in the family writes down a blaming statement (“I didn’t do it, he did it”) and then you proceed to play the game. Ellison says it’s a good way to point out how much blaming goes on in the world. Or, it’s a good way to stick pins in other people in your family (by accident of course) and then blame the game.

Shake Dance. Get the family together and let everyone talk about a recent experience that upset them. Include details. After everyone has purged their recent horror story, “Everyone leaps to their feet and lets all parts of their body shake and jiggle, releasing the tension from the bad experience. Shake for at least five minutes.” And remember to close all blinds and curtains because if the neighbors see you doing this, they are sure to call the police.

Personal song. Make up a song about each member of the family. OK, this has been done before and I don’t think the lyrics “You look like a monkey, and you smell like one, too” are what Ellison had in mind.

Something to think about. More and more parents are having their newborn’s umbilical cord blood collected and stored (costs range from $300 to $1,500 for collecting and about $100 a year for storage) just in case one of their children might need it some day. The number of samples stored more than doubled between 1996 and 1998, with more than 20,000 now in reserve nationwide.

Cord blood contains stem cells, which are the basic cells from which other important blood cells (including infection-fighting white cells) develop.

If a child is diagnosed with a disease such as leukemia and requires a bone marrow transplant, cord blood cells can be used in place of marrow harvested from a donor.

For more information, visit the Cord Blood Registry on the Internet at www.cordblood.com or call (888) 267-3256.