Cheap Seats

Life goes on

Bernie Lincicome in the Chicago Tribune: “Sure, Chicago will continue to be a great city without Michael Jordan playing basketball. Paris is still there without DeGaulle. Rome without Michelangelo, Detroit without Madonna.

“We’ll be fine. We say that now. Let’s see how we all feel when Reggie Miller is weeping his tears all over the Larry O’Brien Trophy and Indianapolis is waving those huge foam fingers around.

“Or worse, there is Shaquille O’Neal claiming pre-eminence in Los Angeles, not Jordan’s heir as much as Jordan’s crumb-snatcher, the big underachieving clod.”

Kick ‘em while they’re down

Probably speaking for many others, Minnesota Timberwolves forward Sam Mitchell can’t wait to play the Michael Jordan-less Chicago Bulls.

“For all the years they’ve destroyed people, it’s payback time,” Mitchell said. “And people are not going to care that Michael and Scottie Pippen are not there.

“All they are going to see is that Chicago Bulls jersey, and if you can beat them by 50, by God, beat them by 50. They’re gonna get drilled.”

Let us give thanks

Detroit Pistons rookie Bonzi Wells on Jordan’s retirement: “I would have liked to play against him, but I think this saves me a lot of embarrassment.”

Don’t worry Bonzi, Grant Hill will embarrass you plenty during practice.

Ouch, that hurts

Hall of Famer George Brett on another of this year’s inductees, Nolan Ryan:

“The first time I faced Nolan, he was with California. I was batting seventh behind Jim Wohlford. He hit Jim in the ribs and the ball seemed to stick there for a minute before it fell to the ground. Jim was trying to breathe and couldn’t.

“Then I came up and took three pitches, three strikes. That was good enough for me.”

Why we love to watch

Showtime executive Jay Larkin on why viewer interest in Mike Tyson will remain high:

“People will watch him fight in the same way they watch car races, to see the wrecks.”

The old college try

John Crumpacker in the San Francisco Examiner: “With Steve Mariucci (Cal, USC) in place and Bill Walsh (Stanford), Gene Washington (Stanford) and Terry Donahue (UCLA) about to join the front office, are the 49ers trying to get to the Super Bowl or the Rose Bowl?”

At least the Rose Bowl is more entertaining.

Careful now …

English golfer Fame Moore, 16, isn’t troubled by her unusual first name: “My dad has the same initials, and wanted me to be called something unusual beginning with F. It could have been a lot worse.”

The last word…

“Congrats to Kevin Carter for being chosen Rams MVP. But isn’t that a little like being named valedictorian of summer school?”

Jeff Gordon in the St. Louis Post-Dispatch