How To Help Child Define Personal Space
Q. I have been volunteering in my first-grader’s class for several months.
When I walked into my daughter’s class today, one of the boys was sitting behind her and playing with her hair. I didn’t think much of it until later in the day when I saw another boy putting his arm around another girl in the class.
I guess I have forgotten how early the touchy-feely stuff begins. I don’t want to make a big deal out of this, but would like to instill in my daughter the importance of having self-respect and also making sure that the boys respect her. Do you have any suggestions on dialogue I can use with my daughter?
A. It’s important to distinguish friendly, playful touching from contact that is unwelcome or offensive. The behavior you describe appears to be 6-year-olds showing a normal, healthy affinity for one another.
Contact between 6-year-olds does not have the same connotation that these behaviors would have between adults. First-graders, like the young of any mammal group, touch one another frequently in their play.
Not all contact between first-graders is well-intentioned, however. Kids of this age can harass one another with aggression and pester one another with attention that is not true affection.
Give your daughter words to use if she finds any contact with another child (or adult) offensive or unwelcome. Teach her to say firmly, “Stop. I don’t like that. You’re being mean.” Urge her to report such contact to the adult on duty.
If you lump affectionate touching and unhealthy harassment together, you send the message that any display of affection is inappropriate. You don’t want your daughter to interpret all touching as offensive.
One way to instill respect in her is to make sure she doesn’t receive any unwelcome hugs or contact from family or relatives. Kids often need parents’ help in defending their personal space from well-meaning adults.
Q. I have a kindergartener who is having difficulties at school following directions, doing the work and staying on task. The teacher complains about having to give too many reminders to my son, which takes time away from the whole class. He is very smart and is doing well in reading and writing. At home I put a lot of effort into developing his skills. I don’t understand why he has difficulty in a group. How can I overcome this problem?
A. Many 5-year-olds have difficulty working in a group. Having one-on-one attention is easier for kids of any age. The ability to stay focused on a task in the middle of a group of classmates is not well-developed in most kindergartners.
Arrange to visit his classroom so you can observe your son’s behavior and its effect on class activities. Watching the interaction will help you understand the problem.
Here are some questions to answer in your visit. Does the teacher repeat directions for your son more than any other student? Are there specific directions he doesn’t follow? Are the assignments broken into reasonably short work periods? Does the teacher have good control of the class?
You can help your son learn to concentrate on tasks and follow directions by presenting him with interesting jobs to accomplish. Invite him to help make cookies, clean windows, set the table or plant flowers. These activities are fun, yet each requires following directions and sticking with the task.
Other tasks that require concentration are art projects, building activities and computer learning programs.
The advantage of computer programs is the directions are given on the screen and teach kids to follow step by step.
In the event you believe the teacher is having problems with classroom discipline, talk with the principal. Discuss ways the principal can resolve the situation. You don’t want your son to develop the feeling that he is a “problem kid.”