Cheap Seats

Gourmet hoops

“Don’t ask me why,” writes Mark Whicker in the Orange County Register. “Maybe it comes from watching too many Chris Berman highlights on ESPN. But I keep wanting to refer to USC’s best basketball player as Brian `Veal’ Scalabrine.”

Vengeance unlimited

In a column about Michael Jordan’s vengeance on the court, Jimmy Greenfield of the Chicago Tribune relates this story about a Knicks-Bulls game in January of 1997:

In an aside to reporters, Knicks coach Jeff Van Gundy had said Jordan “conned” opposing players by acting friendly toward them so they’d be reluctant to go all out against him on the floor. Jordan was incensed enough by the comment to drop 51 points on the Knicks in an 88-87 victory at the United Center.

“Con this, little man,” he barked at Van Gundy as he ran by the Knicks’ bench after one spectacular score.

They promise they’ll ask anything

Art Spander of the Oakland Tribune reports that during Super Bowl media day a woman from a cable television station asked Atlanta wide receiver Ronnie Harris: “How wide do you have to be to be a wide receiver?”

She was presumably joking.

Genius or just another loud mouth?

Columnist Woody Paige in the Denver Post: “BET THE HOUSE ON THE BRONCOS IN THE SUPER BOWL: Literally. Get a second mortgage on your home, take the money to Las Vegas and put it all on the Broncos giving the Falcons seven points.

“DENVER 56, ATLANTA 9. Would you like me to read your palm too?”

Fair warning

Woody Paige of the Post on Miami:

“The state bird is the mosquito, and the state animal is the roach. You (visitors) will be introduced often to both.”

Pleased to see you - not!

Miami Dolphins defensive lineman Manny Fernandez, talking to a roomful of reporters before Super Bowl VIII:

“I love these get-togethers. It’s like going to the dentist three or four days in a row and getting the same tooth filled each time.”

Shirley MacLaine has nothing on him

As a rookie with the Denver Broncos in 1983, John Elway replaced the starting quarterback, Steve DeBerg, who is now 45 and a backup quarterback for the Atlanta Falcons.

“I thought he was ancient,” Elway said. “And now I feel I’m ancient. It’s amazing. He’s got nine lives.”

How do you like them apples?

Tom FitzGerald of the San Francisco Chronicle quoting reader Steven Souza on Latrell Sprewell’s journey: “From the Adam’s apple to the Big Apple.”

The last word …

“Soccer’s world governing body said it would begin out-of-competition drug testing, making it the first sport with more specimen jars than goals.” - Steve Rosenbloom in the Chicago Tribune