Need For Aloneness Comes Knocking

Dear Nancy: I have a fulfilling and satisfying life, with a good marriage and two grown sons. I have always worked full time while taking care of my family and that has been challenging. I had this nightmare fairly often for many years, then it stopped about three years ago. Can you tell me what it means? - Michele

I am alone inside a very large house with many rooms and doors. It is evening and beginning to turn dark, so I lock the front, side and back doors. I return to the front door and find that it is unlocked. I’m horrified and begin to panic, thinking that someone is outside, trying to get in. I return to all the doors and find they are all unlocked again! I rush to each door over and over again until I wake up.

Dear Michele: In dreamwork sometimes it’s better to explore the general theme of the dream before working on each symbol. Often the subject and meaning become clear when we do this.

The theme in your dream seems to be that you feel intruded upon, threatened and vulnerable. You really want those doors locked! Dreams often mirror our deepest, most unacknowledged feelings. You felt you had to defend yourself from intruders. Who or what was it that you didn’t want to face or wanted to lock out?

When we spoke on the phone you said that you are basically a “loner,” and that time alone is very healthy and necessary for you. A growing family needs as much or more attention and care than a full-time job, and you had both.

Your inner being was probably saying to you, “I need some space. I may need to `lock people out’ in order to find some quiet time.”

You also said the dreams stopped about the time your sons left home to go out on their own. This relieved you from some of your family responsibilities. Did you feel less pressure and that you had more time for yourself?

It’s too bad that you had to endure 10 years of these dreams, Michele, when carving out some time for yourself could have been the cure. Recurring dreams often become nightmares because it is the only way we will pay attention. Sometimes we need to be given a knock on the head to listen to our inner voice and the nightmare does just that.

We need to keep in mind that dreams tend to exaggerate. What feels like a small fear or desire in the waking world can present itself in nightmarish proportions in dreams. This is our authentic self demanding recognition and consideration.

Let’s never forget that nightmares are gifts. The nightmare, just like any other dream, comes to help us understand that for our spiritual, mental or physical health we need to change our beliefs or behaviors. It is often the feelings of anger, fear or desperation in our nightmares that give us the energy and strength to change our lives. We get in touch with the knowledge that these issues are life-threatening, perhaps not physically, but to our mental and spiritual self.

I trust that you have honored this dream by incorporating some regular “timeouts” for yourself. You must have been doing something of this sort the Past few years because this particular dream stopped recurring. How are your dreams guiding you now?