Grip It And Rip It (Off)

Sat., July 17, 1999

By Paul Turner srpaulturner@gmail.com

Chances are, miniature golf would be more fun than whatever else you’ve got planned for today.

Just think. The winner can yank off his/her shirt, soccer-style.

Update: After suggesting that Spokane needs a new batch of pseudo-celebrities, most of those we heard from nominated themselves.

That was not expressly against the rules. But we’re concerned that it might be a mistake to, um, encourage some of these folks. Stay tuned.

A driver’s license would have sufficed: A friend who mans a downtown cash register asked a woman for I.D. So she started fishing stuff out of her purse. She plopped various items onto the counter, including several pairs of panties.

Just wondering: Everybody knows some teenagers are reluctant to acknowledge the existence of their families. But that’s not always the case. So … what Spokane area teenager holds the record for the shortest elapsed time between starting up with a new boyfriend/girlfriend and attempting to include that person in all family activities?

Production values: If you watch enough big events on TV, you eventually start to suspect that the people putting on the shows and the TV types planning the coverage believe Americans are no longer capable of experiencing an unscripted emotion.

This isn’t especially elegant: But it’s what the kid said, OK?

A 5-year-old boy at Kristy Bennett’s Newman Lake day-care center asked if they could have “graham crappers” with lunch.

Here’s a question for retail sales clerks: Can you usually tell when someone is “buying” a pair of shoes or whatever with a predetermined plan to wear them once for a certain occasion and then return them?

Mr. T is missing: Linda Milsow shared the assembly instructions that came with a Furio bed tray. She liked the part where the purchaser is advised to follow the directions which, as it says on the first page, “have been carefully writen.”

Five absurdities:

1. The speed at which countless people drive in residential areas.

2. Laptops on news anchors’ desks.

3. Movie ratings. (As if it’s hard for kids to buy tickets to one movie and then sneak into an R-rated flick.)

4. Magazines putting movie stars appearing in blockbusters on their covers and then complaining about entertainment-industry hype.

5. The design of the sinuses.

Today’s Slice question: Who is this area’s best chef under the age of 13?

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