Besides, No Dog Could Penetrate All That Security

People who rent post office boxes at the downtown Spokane branch recently received notices about the danger posed to mail carriers by unleashed dogs.

We can understand how that could be a problem in residential areas. But why give that warning to people with P.O. boxes? Have dogs become a problem inside that federal facility?

The image that came to mind was of unruly canines running amok back in the mail-sorting room, nipping at the heels of postal workers valiantly attempting to walk 20 feet beneath harsh fluorescent lighting and stuff mail into the boxes.

ARF! ARF! ARF! ARF! ARF!

“Get back! Get back or I’ll zap you with pepper spray!”

ARF! ARF! ARF! ARF! ARF!

* Slice answers: We heard from several local women who reported that one memorable side-effect of taking an antibiotic was becoming pregnant. Apparently the drugs in question nullified their birth-control pills. You can guess the rest.

* No news is good news: It finally happened. A bulletin arrived from the medical front that wasn’t depressing. In fact, it wasn’t anything.

A sealed envelope addressed to the Wake-Up Review’s food editor from the Baylor College of Medicine’s Office of Public Affairs showed up the other day with nothing inside.

So we’ll just have to guess what the omitted press release would have said. Here goes:

1. New research indicates “bad vibes” can be sexually transmitted.

2. Caffeine is bad for you in 12,589 additional ways.

3. Scientists confirm that Texans are able to eat hot peppers that would hospitalize anyone else.

4. Poorly fitting sports bras apparently cause crankiness.

5. You still don’t want to know what’s in hot dogs.

6. New study shows that people who eat right and exercise still die.

7. It turns out that some Americans are allergic to their own families.

8. Tests show Viagra fails to improve personalities.

9. Stress found to be part of life.

10. Research finds sugar, salt, fat and beer taste good.

* Hey, kids: You say your mother has a birthday coming up and you don’t know what to get her? And you’re not old enough to have your own money yet? Well, track down Marjorie Flack’s “Ask Mr. Bear.”

This easy-reading children’s book, originally copyrighted in 1932, offers a great suggestion.

* Warm-up question: Can you guess which of your co-workers cried at summer camp when they were kids?

* Today’s Slice question (for readers in outlying areas): What’s the No. 1 reason you come to Spokane?