Perfecting A Party For Your Child

Mon., June 14, 1999

Cathleen Brown Credit Line

Q. Our daughter will be 1 year old next month and I am beginning to think about a party for her. Most of the magazine articles suggest keeping birthday parties small so you don’t overwhelm your child. This makes sense, especially since our daughter is somewhat shy. The problem is we have about 25 relatives and friends who I think we should invite. My husband thinks we should just invite our friends, rather than relatives. My sisters and their families would be hurt not to be included. How do you plan a birthday celebration without upsetting everyone?

A. There is no blueprint for the perfect birthday party. Shape your celebration around your joint plan for a good time. Don’t let pleasing others dictate your decisions.

Plan a party that is just the right size for you and your husband. You two deserve to celebrate surviving and thriving through the first year of your daughter’s life.

If your daughter tends toward shyness, a smaller party would be easier for her. Consider inviting your sisters to an all-girls luncheon party on another date. They, of all your relatives, should support the plans you make that suits you and your husband best.

Don’t burden yourself with a heavy work load, or you won’t have fun. Let your guests contribute dishes to a buffet, have a backyard picnic or a party in the park. An outdoor party gives the children room to roam and saves a lot of cleanup work.

Another idea is to schedule the party close to your daughter’s bedtime. This allows you some free time after she goes to bed to enjoy your guests. Birthday parties should be as stress-free as possible, not only for the kids but for the parents as well.

Q. Our 10-year-old son has been begging for a new bike. There is nothing wrong with his present bike, but he wants a new all-terrain bike with 18 gears. He claims his friends all have this kind. We could afford one, but money is not the issue. The issue is going along with the advertising that makes kids feel their old bikes are no longer in vogue. Toys and equipment don’t have a chance to get old before the kids see something new on the market. Are we the only hold-outs on making him ride his old bike? What advice do you have?

A. You are not the only parents who resent advertising aimed at children. Parents agree advertisers are relentless in trying to shape the tastes of children from toddlers to teens.

If your son wants a bike, offer to help him plan ways he can earn the money to buy it. Use his passion for a new bike to teach him to take responsibility for paying for items he wants.

Some parents are willing to contribute a share of the cost, after a child has earned a given amount. The message is he must pay for part (or all) of this purchase.

Help him estimate what he could sell his present bike for, and how much he could earn by doing odd jobs. Have him check with the neighbors to find out if he can work for them. Encourage him to mow lawns, pull weeds or take care of pets.

Discuss with him other choices he would be giving up if he spent this amount of money on the bike, such as computer add-ons, sports camp or special trips.

Don’t advance the money before he has his cash in hand. Loaning money to 10-year-olds defeats your goal of teaching him to save. Cash advances invite defaults on payments.

When our older daughter went away to college we refused to buy a stereo for her to take along. Later, she informed us she was the only student in her dorm who didn’t have a stereo who wasn’t weird. We believe this strengthened her character.

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