Preschools Eject Boys For Biting

Q. What can I do for my boys? They are 3 and 4 years old, and they have been kicked out of two preschools due to biting. They both went in and out of their stages and bit other kids. My 4-year-old bites himself, though. And it’s usually to manipulate me or his teachers to give into him.

He also will hit his head. The preschool thinks there is something wrong with them, and they said they think they could have autism. Their Dad and I are constantly talking to them trying to teach them, and a lot of times they don’t listen. They get into everything or run from us. They scream and throw temper tantrums.

A. Make an appointment with their pediatrician and request a complete examination. Autism is difficult to diagnose, so don’t assume teachers are able to accurately detect the symptoms for this complex neurological disorder. Only a physician trained in children’s disorders can make this diagnosis or determine if any other disorder is present.

Call your public school district office and request help in determining whether your sons have special educational needs. In most states, school districts are required to assess educational needs of preschool-age children with special problems.

This early detection enables districts to offer appropriate educational programs to children with special needs. Some districts enroll preschool age children in early training programs.

Your county regional center also is a source of help. This public agency provides services to children and adults with developmental disorders.

Contact community agencies that offer parent training and enroll in a class.

Whatever the eventual diagnosis of the boys, learning to handle their difficult behavior is a must. Treatment for most behavioral disorders involves structured behavioral training.

Q. How do you get kids to keep their rooms clean? We have two sons, 8 and 10, and two daughters, 6 and 4. Their rooms are messy most of the time, unless my husband or I go in and pick up the piles littering the floor. They all drop their things on the spot, leave shoes in the living room and generally distribute trails all through the house. Every now and then we make them straighten the mess. There must be a better way.

A. Use different strategies for different ages. Up to around age 7 teach them how to clean and help them do the job. They need guidance on how to organize clothes and store toys.

From ages 8 through adolescence, have them clean their rooms on Saturday before they are free to choose their own activity. During these years they should be able to follow a system that you help them set up.

These years are also a good time to expect them to contribute to the general care of the house. In addition to an assigned chore, they can be asked to help with keeping the house and yard neat.

A good habit to start at an early age is asking them to take things to their rooms when they come in. Dropping shoes, backpacks, sports equipment in the hall isn’t allowed, nor is leaving games and toys where last used.

Give them incentives to organize their paper storage by putting each kid’s name on an in-basket. This keeps the paper clutter down and serves as a mail box for homework, notices, and letters.

Set aside one day each week for family cleaning time. Kids respond to inspections and awards. Help them set standards for clean rooms. Have them draw names of the rooms they are to inspect. This gives them a chance to be inspectors as well as the ones inspected.

Praise and appreciation reinforce their efforts.

psychologist in California. Send your questions and comments to P.O. Box 6613, Los Osos, CA 93402. E-mail: cabrown500@aol.com