If He Doesn’T Blink, It Must Be Summer
If you are a man, you might be wondering.
Am I ready to appear nonchalant about the sight of women in relatively revealing warm-weather attire?
That’s a subjective determination. But here are two behaviors that suggest a man is definitely not ready.
1. He shouts any expression that starts with the word “Holy” whenever he sees attractive women.
2. He is unaware that he is staring.
* More well-known proverbs (kids style): John and Elaine Carter’s 6-year-old daughter Hannah, a first-grader at Indian Trail Elementary, is another local kid who tried her hand at finishing familiar phrases.
“When life hands you lemons … give them back.”
“People in glass houses shouldn’t … go to bed.”
“You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t … lead the horse to Disneyland.”
“When the cat’s away … the birds say `Hey!’ “
“What’s good for the goose is good for … ducks.”
“You can’t teach an old dog … to fly a kite.”
And to understand this next one, it helps to know that the Carters had a minor oven incident. “Where there’s smoke … there’s pizza.”
* Area’s smallest soccer player: Mercedee Quellmalz Smith’s grandmother sent in her stats.
Age: 3. Height: 38”
(She practices with the big kids on her 5-year-old sister’s team.)
* Settle down back there: We’re looking for Inland Northwesterners who own ‘60s station wagons. Call now. Lines are open. Or e-mail pault@spokesman.com. Thanks.
* Business card of the week: We saw one belonging to a local artisan who creates “Jewelry of atonement.”
* Slice answer: “I once dated my best friend’s sister,” wrote a reader named Greg. ” I think my friend had a hard time being wild and crazy with little sister hanging around. I was in the middle a couple of times and it felt a bit like a cat-and-mouse game for a while. I think everybody got used to the situation. Now, almost 11 years and three kids later, I’m sure Uncle Ned is glad I dated his sister (my wife) all those years ago.”
* Looking ahead: Saturday is Truman Day in Missouri. Seeing as how the late president was one of the more high-profile people to rag on The Wake-Up Review, we thought some of you might want to mark your calendars.
* Today’s Slice question: What local golfers still think people want to see and hear their Bill Murray “Caddyshack” impressions?