Whiffing Isn’T So Bad

Sat., May 15, 1999

By Paul Turner srpaulturner@gmail.com

Backyard Wiffle ball has more honor than American League baseball because pitchers who intentionally throw at hitters eventually come up to bat.

* It’s early this year: Last Sunday, Lori Trowbridge’s 2-1/2-year-old nephew, Gage Perry, saw the frozen precipitation and said, “Look, snow! It’s Christmas!”

* Joel Bonvallet wonders: “How many people who fought through the masses at Jacobson Greenhouses last spring, when they were going out of business, actually got the roses to grow?”

* Realism: Lenore Foster’s husband was opening a birthday gift when the couple’s 4-year-old granddaughter Caitlin said, “Just another shirt for you to iron, Grandma.”

* Baby name popularity: Here, according to The Baby Name Center (which used Social Security Administration data) are the most common names from the 1950s.

Boys: 1. John. 2. James. 3. Robert. 4. William. 5. Michael. 6. David. 7. Richard. 8. Thomas. 9. Charles. 10. Gary.

Girls: 1. Linda. 2. Mary. 3. Patricia. 4. Barbara. 5. Susan. 6. Maria. 7. Sandra. 8. Nancy. 9. Deborah. 10. Kathleen.

Now the 1960s. Boys: 1. David. 2. Michael. 3. John. 4. James. 5. Robert. 6. Mark. 7. William. 8. Richard. 9. Thomas. 10. Steven.

Girls: 1. Mary. 2. Susan. 3. Karen. 4. Maria. 5. Lisa. 6. Linda. 7. Donna. 8. Patricia. 9. Debra. 10. Deborah.

And now, 1998. Boys: 1. Michael. 2. Jacob. 3. Matthew. 4. Nicholas. 5. Joshua. 6. Christopher. 7. Brandon. 8. Austin. 9. Tyler. 10. Zachary.

Girls: 1. Kaitlyn. 2. Emily. 3. Sarah. 4. Hannah. 5. Ashley. 6. Brianna. 7. Alexis. 8. Samantha. 9. Taylor. 10. Madison.

Of course, it won’t be long before such lists are virtually impossible to compile as more parents insist on making up nonsensical “original” names in the laughable belief that this - as opposed to, say, the child’s character, personality and achievements - is what will make their kids special.

* Multiple choice (which subjects do newspaper features sections care about way more than you do?):

a. Chamber music.

b. The plight of independent bookstores.

c. Audience support for art films.

d. Inner lives of unhappy women.

e. Celebrities.

f. Pets’ favorite Web sites.

g. Quirky cuisines.

h. People who aren’t like you.

* Today’s Slice question: At what local store, restaurant or service center can you encounter the broadest range of employee friendliness?

Saturday. Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; fax (509) 459-5098. We salute those who refuse to sell alcohol to people who are drunk.

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