Barney’S Line Usually Busy

Thu., May 20, 1999

By Paul Turner srpaulturner@gmail.com

Let’s call this “Dial F for Fantasy.”

A mom and her little girl were headed into a Rosauers a couple days ago when the kid saw a pay phone. “I want to talk to Barney,” she said.

The mother attempted to discourage her. She tried to explain to her daughter that this phone wasn’t like the toy at home where she could pick up the receiver and hear the voice of the purple kids-TV dinosaur. But the child was adamant.

So they went over to the phone. The mom handed it down. And the girl started talking to Barney.

The scene made us wonder. If adults were to make-believe that they could just pick up a phone and speak to anyone they pleased, who would they call? Here are a few guesses.

1. Dr. Evil.

2. John Stockton.

3. Barbarella.

4. Benji the Hunted.

5. The Girl From U.N.C.L.E.

6. Green Lantern.

7. John Milner.

8. Agent 99.

9. Honey West.

10. McMahon & Tate.

* Est-ce que c’est seulement moi: Or does everyone else also find it hard to believe that the Memorial Cup tournament was here just a year ago?

* Tonight, on a very special “Darn That Ken”: Our friend Ken Martin’s life would make a good TV show.

Strange things happen to him.

The other day he was in a men’s restroom at a local community college. And the guy at the next urinal turned and spoke to him.

“Wanna see my puppy?” he asked.

Ken was taken aback. “What?” he replied.

Fortunately for all, a small dog soon poked its head out of the guy’s jacket. And a truly weird moment got, well, slightly less so.

* Feedback: “Keep your stupidity to yourself,” one reader wrote in response to a recent Slice.

* Memories: Waylan Funk, who lives in Grand Coulee, had her First Communion in Prosser, Wash., on the same day Mount St. Helens blew its top. “My brothers said it was God’s way of saying I was doomed.”

* Before acquiring a Jack Russell terrier: Talk to Sharon Aizer.

She loves the breed and has a sophisticated understanding of its traits. But she says it’s not the dog for everyone. Call us for her number.

* Life ‘round here: “There’s something not quite right with the world when your brother’s boat has more bathrooms than your house.” - Kari Yirak

* Today’s Slice question: What album cover played the biggest role in your voyage to young adulthood? (Think of something besides the one with Carly Simon in that blue top.)

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