Rescuer Snags Lucky Duck

Ann Martin was going through Riverfront Park at lunchtime when she saw that an elderly man fishing from a pedestrian bridge had a duck tangled in his line.

He couldn’t bring it in. And he was mostly worried about his lure anyway.

The river was moving fast.

It didn’t look good for the duck until a young man in a black jacket happened along. He climbed over the railing. And leaning out over the water with Martin hanging onto him, he pulled the bird back to the bridge.

They freed the duck from the fishing line and it flew off.

* Splish splash: Has this ever happened to you?

You’re at your workplace and you are about to get a drink from a water fountain. But when you press the button, the stream of water aims itself at the front of your pants.

Yes, right there.

Realizing that this sudden soaking looks pretty bad, you decide to retreat to a nearby restroom.

Paper towels don’t help.

But you can’t stay in there all day. You have to get back to work.

So you elect to sneak back up to the floor where your desk is by taking the stairs instead of the elevator.

Only just as you enter the stairwell, you hear a woman call out your name with gusto. You look up. It’s the person who leads groups of visitors on tours of the building.

Then you hear her say that the class of high school students now coming down the stairs had wanted to meet you. And all you can think about is the wet spot on your pants.

You try to force 16 different people to make eye contact with you all at once. And you silently consider sheepish excuses at a feverish pace.

“Had a little accident.”

“That’s barbecue sauce.”

“Darn that perspiration problem.”

“Squirt gun. Someone from Accounting.”

“Stop looking at my area.”

Of course, all you can do is smile, say hello and hope no one noticed.

* You know you’re getting old if you can remember when:

1. Grocery stores delivered.

2. Tonsillectomies weren’t controversial.

3. You discussed your thoughts about Emma Peel with a priest.

4. Families took two newspapers.

5. Troll mania ruled the land.

* Here’s a good way to spend $3: Buy a ticket for the upcoming Trinity Catholic School fundraiser, “Amazing Graze: Cow Plop IX.”

Don’t think of it as gambling. Think of it as getting those persistent Trinity parents off your back.

It’s June 5. Call 327-9369.

* Today’s Slice question: How would this area’s image have to change in order for you to be considered a typical Inland Northwesterner?